Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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So sad...

Juliennes
Juliennes

I am happy to have found this group as I feel I have no one to talk to about all of this.  I am an adult child of an alcoholic who is now married to an alcoholic binge drinker.  My husband had issues with alcohol and prescription drugs off and on over the years but it was never too bad that I couldn't handle it.  We have been married for 18 years and have 2 kids 13 and 18.  We have never had a great relationship but were comitted to our kids and worked to try and give them a good life.  Lately he has been binge drinking on the weekends and he becomes nasty and verbally abusive and it is just so upsetting to me.  I am 45 years old and never finished college so I don't make enough money to leave and live on my own.  I am so depressed and feel trapped and guilty that I have now subjected my kids to this nightmare...my history repeating itself.  I decided to go back to school to try and better myself so I could get a better job and survive on my own but it has just made my husband more angry.  I guess he likes me being dependent and helpless.  I am trying to stay positive but its so hard sometimes.  Thank you for listening.

CeeCee4
CeeCee4
Keep going to school and building a way to be independent. I did that. I worked full time, went to LVN to RN bridge program full time, and had my kids ages 5 and 8 at the time. I had to hire a babsitter to help out and take out student loans to do it. Only one year thank goodness. But it gave me $15 more dollars and hour!! Worth it. My husband knew i was gettjng ready for seperation and guess what? He went back to outpatient 2 weeks after i graduated and before ingot my raise and is now still sober 14 months later. He knew i was done.
Do you keep going forward and making a way for happiness.
ThankfulForYouAll
ThankfulForYouAll
Julie - you are not alone. I also grew up with a parent who abused alcohol, and that anxiety and anger comes flaring back whenever I see my husband drunk. The abuse when he's drunk is unfortunately the same thing my husband does. I've just started to ignore him or leave the room or house when that happens. Cece is right it's great you are making moves to be independent and help your career. Your kids are lucky to have you!
invisibleme
invisibleme
I'm in a similar situation. Keep doing what you're doing, but be cautious with him, if it seems the verbal abuse and anger is escalating. Quietly make your plan to leave. Get that degree or certification and get you and your children out of there. As for the depression and feeling like you've just repeated the cycle with your own self and kids, you are different from your parents. You are making moves to get out. Let your childhood help provide motivation for making changes for your own children. Sending hugs and prayers.
learningpatience
learningpatience
You may also want to get your kids involved wth therapy or programs like adult children of Alcoholics Anonymous so they can learn how it's affected them and how they can deal as well. They're old enough to know the truth at this point, and it might help them deal with issues they'll surely face in the future. Lots of love your way!