My kids are 13 and almost 16. I see one of them has always had the predisposition of being a possible addict someday and that has and still does worry me to no end. Plus, the absence of their father being an actual dad in their lives most of the time. I worry how this has affected them and will in the future. But, what I have always tried to focus on more, is who they are as their own little individual people that they are and will be become as their grow older. I have always tried to make them feel loved, accepted and like they have a safe place with me. Sure, it hasn't always been easy, it never is when raising little human beings. One of them has sever anxiety and sensory issues, that I have been struggling with for years trying to learn how to handle and deal with correctly. But, I think if you foster who they are, their thoughts and interests and dreams, and focus on helping them be secure in themselves and where they fit into this world. Give them tools to adapt and change and love themselves and help them to be strong adults someday, able to handle whatever life throws at them, then they will have a less likely chance of making the same poor choices their dad makes. Learn as much as you can about them always. Try to pay attention to the little messages they send you by how they act out or don't about things. Just stay attentive, loving, supportive and as understanding as you can. Help them through this life, not doing everything for them, but teach them that they always will have someone in their corner, who believes in them and loves them no matter what happens or who they become. You can only do for them with what you have. You will make mistakes, but you will also be the best mom in the world, in their eyes.

As for the second thing, it sounds like you are doing great at detaching. It does take practice and it will get easier the more you do it. With the bottles, I would have done the same thing. I don't know if you are doing it, but don't clean up his bottles, no matter how bad it gets. It is his mess to deal with. Currently, my husband has so many empty pints of liquer and gatorade bottles stashed under the bed and in drawers in the bedroom, it is ridiculous. He has so many tiny bottles filling up the drawers, that he cannot put clean clothes in them anymore. I just put his clothes on the bed, for him to deal with. Yes, it drives me nuts that it is so bad in their, but I decided to let him live with that, starting about two years ago. I don't use the bedroom anyways. Keep your chin up and keep doing what you are doing. As always, we are here for you.

Thank you bluesprite72 - you have great advice and I very much appreciate you sharing it with me.

My 12 year old sometimes talks about finding dad's beer stash in the shed. I try through out all of this to be in teaching mode with my son. We discuss addiction and the consequences. We discuss how addiction affects his mood also since he is so up and down.

My son is very aware of how bad addiction is and says he will never...but I do worry about the negative consequences on him. But I think being willing to discuss things with him and giving him the ability to make informed decisions will really help. I wish I had had that growing up, My mom just ignored everything, and never talked to us kids.

Now my son says that he is trying to help dad be better. It is sad to see him try to parent his dad. I am not sure how to deal with this...I tell him it is not his job to do that, but I am not sure what else to say.

Thank you umiil. Glad to hear you have open communication about the addiction. I cannot imagine pretending it isn't happening.

I thought detachment was the answer for me. It was easier than divorcing and uprooting my kids, and I felt I could manage to live with it. Unfortunately, it's not that clean cut of a choice. My kids and I were still subjected to witnessing him be drunk and passed out on the couch, and finding alcohol hidden in every place you could imagine.

It was easy for me to ignore his behavior, but I didn't realize that my kids were not old/mature enough to do the same. My son was very frustrated with his father, and it caused many arguments between them. My daughter spent most of her time in her bedroom, and I thought she was relatively happy, however she really wasn't. She didn't want to be around him in other areas of the house, so she always retreated to her room. She started to hang out with other unhappy kids, feeling they had something in common (one cut himself & had attempted suicide). Then I stumbled on a text of hers where she talked of suicide because she hated her home life, and I fell apart. Here I was thinking that I was doing the best thing for the kids, and I was just so wrong. She wasn't able to just detach from him, and she was in turmoil internally. I could have lost my daughter over this. I promised her a happy home life without the stress of an alcoholic father, and I filed to vacate him from the house immediately. I had already filed for divorce, but this really escalated his leaving the house. Long story short, she is doing incredibly well now. I don't usually share this piece of my story, because it's just too painful to discuss, but I did today in the hopes that those who "detach" know it's not easy for kids to do the same. They just aren't emotionally mature enough to detach.