Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
My SO went to rehab about 6 months ago, leaving me 6 months pregnant with a 1.5 year old. Our son was in the hospital with pneumonia. When he was in rehab he did not call once. He called me about 2.5 weeks into treatment to inform me that he hated it there and he was leaving. Therefore, he left. He came home and things were great. He was sober and strong. He continued back to work. I had our second child, a baby girl. I was off work for 6 weeks i would say and shortly after going back to work i think that the stress of the children were eating at him. It caused a lot of tension in our relationship and we were fighting. He relapsed. There is no telling him. He does what he wants to do and doesn't care who he hurts in the process when he is like this. I have resorted to staying at my moms if he was drinking. Ultimately, he left for rehab about 2 weeks ago and has yet to call me or contact me what so ever. I have sent him 2 letters and a card. I would not be so concerned, if he wasn't picking up the phone and calling his brother-- but not me. He is calling his brother and asking his brother for his parents (grandparents) to bring our two year old up to rehab to see him. As a mother, i have my concerns, clearly this has took a toll on our two year old son, and i can only imagine that there will be tears when he is taken away from daddy. I have had multiple conversations with his family who insinuate that it's best for justin and our son to see each other and that it's not fair for me to say that junior cannot go visit with his dad unless i am there or unless i speak to justin. I feel like he is in rehab to work on himself and he is using our child as bait in this situation. I feel like it is my job to protect him and i don't think he is even old enough to understand. I really don't know what to do, i don't want to hurt my SO in his treatments and i understand him wanting to see his son and be apart of his life but i don't think that it's right to be going behind my back to do so and not communicating with me. Can anyone give me some information or how to deal with this. I know by calling the rehab it's not going to solve anything because there are laws to protect patient information. I am just trying to do what is best for every one involved but i feel like i'm being left out of the family dynamics.
Personally, i wouldnt take him until yoy speak to the therapist or get clearance from the rehab place. I would hesitate to take him at all as well.
He is still trying to manipulate aND have control when he is in an environment where he doesn't have control. He might even be doing this and not know he is. If that makes sense. He is probably used to being controlling, getting his way, and he can't right now. I agree to call his therapist and voice your concerns. I have no idea why he isn't reaching out of you. Maybe your the one he is projecting 'blame' on for him being there. But don't let that effect you. I was the only one who told my husband he had a problem everyone turned their heads. But in the long run my husband saw I cared and I loved him.
You know what i say?? Screw him. Take care of you and your children. Move forward without him and when he is ready he can talk with you. But dont hold back moving forward. If you choose to take your son or not it doesnt matter its your child and the family have NO say in that decision. He is struggling to still have some sort of control and it grinds my gears that he is putting you in this spot. He is inpatient and still managing to rattle your cage. What a jerk. I cant stand additcs because they are so narsasistic. So self centered they cant see anythjng else but themselves.