Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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KatieDarling 01/03/2015

I think he slept on the couch last night; fine by me because that gave me time to cry without feeling like I had to hide my true feelings. I didn't see him this morning because he left early to attend a guys bible study, or so he said, I hope that is true but you never know. He finally called me at around 12:30pm to give me his spill about how he knows he's let his family down and he is sorry, how he knows he can't quit on his own, how he knows he needs help, how it's so hard, he's spending time at the office so he can pray, he's just so depressed....I asked what that all means and he said it means he's ready to go to meetings. Well, I've heard all of this before, like last year on Valentines day...nice. I said "ok". Then i told him if he drinks today, don't come home; if he drinks tomorrow or any day, don't come home; if he drinks and there is a basketball game of the boys, don't go; if there is anything he can't abide by among those things he needs to come home and get his clothing and find a new place to stay. He said Ok and I said goodbye. I haven't heard from him since and its 10:30pm so I assume he couldn't stay sober today.
I'm strangely ok It is strangely very peaceful and I'm so grateful after an awful night of crying mingled with short stints of sleep. I think Im ready to lock up and try to get some sleep.

CeeCee4 01/03/2015

I'm so sorry girl. It's not fair. I hate how the alcoholic doesn't see the pain they cause their loved ones and family. He might need a in-patient treatment? Is there in-patient treatment for alcoholics? How long has your husband been trying to quit?

KatieDarling 01/04/2015

I think he may need a treatment center to help too. But...and this is a big but...I really believe because of past attempts of mine to force him to get help that he needs to figure this one this time out on his own. He has to take the initiative and he has to put the effort in to researching or talking to his many doctor friends about what to do. He is capable if he is serious. Truthfully, for me to be a believer, he has to do this himself. I've spent too many years trying to get him to AA etc. This time I'm taking a pass actively participating and meddling in his junk. After all, he is a grown man. I can remember the first time I called AA about my husband and what I should do and that was 12 years ago. Their words were tough for me to hear and I didn't understand it at the time, but now with so many years under my belt, I get it and understand why they said what they did at the time. The man at AA told me to take my children and leave him to fall flat on his butt because the disease progresses . I didn't listen. But again, now I get it and Im making a different choice now and it is the best one for me -- to stop being enmeshed with his junk.
Its been so peaceful. I feel relaxed and think I'll sleep good tonight.

bensmom85 01/04/2015

Wow! So proud of you! So difficult yet the peace you feel is the result of you doing what you know is best for you and him.
Keep strong, pray hard, believe in yourself.

CeeCee4 01/04/2015

Wow that is hard to hear. Leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. I hate it when other people say "than just leave". There are so many complications that make it hard to leave. Exspecially with marriage and a house and kids. You can do it, leaving takes a lot of courage an support from others around you. My sister said try to see of al anon can help you. I had to explain to her that al anon doesn't work that way.

Stay strong.

KatieDarling 01/04/2015

I do want to add that I'm not even talking about divorce, at least not right now. I'm currently thinking about a legal separation. I would just enforce living separately w/o getting legal but Im really worried about trying to protect myself legally from the ramifications of his drinking. What if he's drunk driving (he does this every time he drinks) and he kills someone on the way home? I imagine that would ruin us financially?! Praise God we haven't been in that situation -- YET! But HOW do I protect myself and my kids from possible ruin w/o some kind of legal protection? These are things swirling in my head. Last year I talked with a couple of lawyers and they all tried to push me to divorce because of the cost and the same amount of paper work involved so it would just be easier...what?? I'm not there yet, I definitely wasn't at that point last year, tho I did often dream of it. I just want protection. Perhaps that is wishful thinking if we are married, I just don't know.

CeeCee4 01/04/2015

When do u think divorce would be an option? How much r you willing to put up with? What are your boundaries?

bonblue 01/04/2015

Honestly I I've been let down, embrassed by my AH so many times over the year it
Blows my mind to think of how much craps I have allowed myself to put up with.
I will I could put him out at time but I don't have the heart and I don't have the desire
To go thru it argueing back and forth.
I know he thinks of me when he chooses to think of me . I'm after this friend or that friend
Who ever is his drinking buddy for the day.
I have come to the conclusions long time ago to not
Rely on him for anything . That way
I don't get disappointed

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