Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Hello everyone!
My husband started drinking daily several months before I even realized that he was drinking at all. I discovered sexual messages between he and another woman and he blamed stress, depression, and drinking. From that point I really started paying attention and although he said he was going to quit drinking, he only cut back. He has told me several times since then that he was going to quit or limit to the weekends but those words never panned out beyond a couple of days. My big issue is the lying. Because once again this weekend, we talked about his drinking being excessive and he said he was going to try to quit again. He has purchased 3 different bottles already this week and hides them in his truck to drink when he thinks I'm busy. He doesn't realize I know because I've checked our bank statement. When I asked how he was doing and if he's struggled at all with quiting he told me he is great and not struggling at all. I'm at a point in our relationship where I just want to ignore it because I feel like it will never change and let him fall on his face when the time comes. Most concerning though, is my urge to find ways to revenge lie to him. I'm not a vengeful kind of person typically and my recent thoughts have gone completely against my own moral standards. I feel like I would leave if it were just me but I agonize over the effects it would have on the lives of our three bio children and the two children we are in the process of adopting. Opinions, ideas, and advise welcome and appreciated!
I have no advice, just that I’m here with you and I feel your pain.
But you already know this. You gotta face the facts and figure a way out so your children do not suffer. My mother forced me to stay with the family and her husband and at 51 years old, I still trying to work that stuff and understanding. The child thinks if the mother/father, stays with the badly behaved drunk, that they have no value.
This was proven to me the last time I saw my mother. I told her of dad's affairs (he shared everything with me, it was gross). He told me in detail about her feminine hygene so she could hear it. Did she confront him? NO, SHE CONFRONTED ME. A child, no matter the age, should know or be a privy to their parent's sex life.
The last time I saw her, she screamed at me GET OVER IT and I politely asked her to leave for she has made her decision quite clear. All this time I thought my mother loved me, but since she was a victim to his tirades, she used my brother and I as shield and then would look away while we were getting beat or yelled at for hours.
I once looked over my dad's screaming shoulder (I was about 8 years old) and mouthed the words HELP US and she looked away. I thought mother protected their young with fiericenss but my mother was just out to focus my dad's attention away FROM HER. So I walked away from them all and they are shaking their heads.