Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Juliennes
Juliennes

I sure am posting frequently these days!  With the current state of my life falling apart over the past few weeks, I have interacted with many people who essentially are supposed to be able to offer help to the alcoholic and their families.  Unfortunately, it seems that all I have encountered is no one who is able to help.  While I fully understand that alcoholics must be willing and want to get help, it seems that these detox places run a revolving door and can't seem to offer much in the way of guidance or advice.  I have spoken to countless counselors and the police begging them to do something, not because I want my husband to stop drinking which I do, but because he is reckless and does not care who he hurts.  Each time I am told that there is nothing that can be done.  The police were at my house a few days ago because I tried to stop my husband from getting in his truck and driving to work because I knew he had been drinking and the cops deemed him ok because he passed their field sobriety test.   Not a day later he got in an accident while driving drunk.  I know that it is not my fault, but I knew it was going to happen.  My husband is in the hospital now and almost seemed like he would go to rehab, but the police station won't release his vehicle to anyone but the registered owner.  And we can't do that because I will never be able to afford to get it out.  I 100% blame my husband for all of this...but I am going to lose everything and they are making it impossible for me to even help myself in this small way.  It makes no sense that you would want the individual who was just arrested for drunk driving to come and get the vehicle rather than a responsible sober individual other than to make more money.  I guess what I am trying to say is that there needs to be a better system of helping people affected by this awful disease.  We are all innocent and have to suffer so much.


Sll82
Sll82
Completely agree!!! There is no continued support, there is the immediate but it needs to be life time support, yes I know there is AA and al-anon but that doesn't work for everyone! Sending you hugs x
sweetiepie212121
sweetiepie212121
Sorry, you are going through a rough patch. In the drunks eyes, they are untouchable and perfect. My ah blames me still. I used to take it to heart until noticing patterns of behaviour. He can be loving one minute and the next fumming. He doesn't eat much and blames me for that too. He works full time. I used to have sympathy for my ah, more like tough love.
Juliennes
Juliennes
Their anger and blame are difficult to listen to and deal with. When AH is somewhat sober and apologetic, I really do feel bad for him. But I swear as soon as he has one drink he becomes the nastiest, awful person going. I have no idea how I am going to keep moving forward, Thank you guys as always, for listening.
ginger7657
ginger7657
Wow I didn’t realize all of that with no help. Mine refuses to get any kind of help and with the way he is I have given up on that. I’ve been posting a bit too much myself, lol. I think we can all help each other though. I guess what I have learned is to only really rely on myself. I know that’s the only way. I have kind of prepared myself for when my husband will die from this behavior. When he is sober I have had him show me everything about the guns he owns. I am not a big fan but I also know that if I am left by myself and I need to protect me kids, I will. Sometimes watching a movie is nice, you get to experience a different life and get inspiration from that. Like movies like bird box...Sandra Bullock was amazing. Women can do it all. Women are tough and strong and unstoppable. Sometimes it is hard to see that in the moment of belittling and what not. I’ve been stashing money for when I need it later if he is gone. If he knows we have it he will spend it on booze. And truth is I cry all the time thinking about the future. It’s so scary. We are strong but we need to help each other too. He tells me I am weak bc I cry. I cry bc I actually have a soul and I fear all of this damage to our kids and what not. But I get up out of bed every single day and put up with another day of his shit and make everything come together for the sake of our kids. If I didn’t have kids with this man I would run so far so fast, change my #, fake my death (yeah not really lol)...
I don’t even know if that’s true. I’ve been with this man for 17 years, half my life. This is not at all the man that I met or the man that I married. He has a very very sad and fucked up past. Which is why he is the way he is. I just wish I could talk him into a normal life without having to drink half a case of beer or 3 glasses of straight whiskey every night of the week. I know how you feel about the cops too, we had about 4 here one day bc my husband was being all loud in the backyard. They asked him if he was on bath salts! That’s how stupid he is when he drinks. I said no this is him when he drinks. He’s had nights where he drank all night then still went to work early morning. Day after Christmas a few years ago he stayed up all night drinking then went straight to work. He’s a big boy, I’m not going to stop him. He’s been through so much in his life that he’s very strong mentally in every other area other than holding back his drinking. His own parents have put him through so much shit that he can handle quite a bit. But I don’t want that life for my kids. Rambling, sorry ladies!