Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Hello I'm Jackie... I'm back! It's been a couple of years since I've been here. Not that any thing ever really got better, but AH did for a while manage to keep things down to a dull roar. I needed to dis entangle myself from the whole process and be in a more positive place. A place not focused on someone else's addictions. But at this place in time my husband's drinking has moved to the next level. Absolutely not able to respond to the gentle and not so gentle reminders that his behaviors are outside of the agreed upon boundaries. Anger, control , depression, and crazy OCD, anxiety, and complete emotional repression make it difficult to find the shining soul that is in there somewhere. His go to comment " I just don't give a shit".
Well then.......
We've been married 35 years, the last 20 steeped in alcoholism. The last 7 throw in opiates antidepressants, tranquilizers ( he has had 6 back surgeries, so chronic pain is an issue ). His pre existing addiction status makes responsible use of pain medication impossible.
I feel I must admit that I became sick right along with him, so I am a raging co dependent! Last week a huge fight made me really, really see myself and wow!
So a new set of goals: I need to let that shit go!
I will let go of guilt and fear.
I can and will let go of any responsibility for his addiction lifestyle choices, regardless of the outcome for him. I CANNOT SAVE HIM.
I had a good start on building a full and satisfying life for myself and got sidetracked, or manipulated or lazy and find myself back in orbit around vodka and pills. I will resume where I left off.
I read ( in 2 places, in one day- divine message? )..... To stop thinking about what I don't want and focus instead on the things I do want. Need to work on this.
I'm here because I need the support of others.
Thanks for listening
Well then.......
We've been married 35 years, the last 20 steeped in alcoholism. The last 7 throw in opiates antidepressants, tranquilizers ( he has had 6 back surgeries, so chronic pain is an issue ). His pre existing addiction status makes responsible use of pain medication impossible.
I feel I must admit that I became sick right along with him, so I am a raging co dependent! Last week a huge fight made me really, really see myself and wow!
So a new set of goals: I need to let that shit go!
I will let go of guilt and fear.
I can and will let go of any responsibility for his addiction lifestyle choices, regardless of the outcome for him. I CANNOT SAVE HIM.
I had a good start on building a full and satisfying life for myself and got sidetracked, or manipulated or lazy and find myself back in orbit around vodka and pills. I will resume where I left off.
I read ( in 2 places, in one day- divine message? )..... To stop thinking about what I don't want and focus instead on the things I do want. Need to work on this.
I'm here because I need the support of others.
Thanks for listening
Julie
Everything I've read says you have to take care of yourself first and to remember that others are quite capable of taking care of themselves, just because they don't doesn't mean they can't and it's not our responsibility to pick up their pieces all the time. Leave the co-dependent life at the door, kick it to the curb, throw it out with the trash! Easier said than done, but it can be done, bit by bit. I've been working at it for nearly 3 years - sometimes it creeps up on me and sometimes I don't recognize it for what it is and respond in a very codependent way, difference between now and when I started, I recognize and realize it much faster and stop the behavior then I let it go telling myself that it's just part of the process of getting rid of it. Having it occur, recognizing it, stopping it, let it go, and do not feel guilty about it!
You have great goals!
All we can do is find our own peace. We can not
Change them . Bless your heat this is a terrible life to live take it day by day
Keep positive thought. Find you piece of happiness