Hi Amy, hows it going now? Your last post was a couple weeks ago. I’m happy to hear your AH has taken the steps he’s needed. I don’t have much advice on your worries of him not wanting you after sobriety, but can only say that he probably needs to be super selfish for quite awhile and work on himself throughput this process. This is what HE needs. Try to be patient. He’ll soon be more able to focus on other aspects of his life. Good luck!

Hi there I'm so happy for you that your AH took the steps voluntarily to recover...that's really awesome!! Although I've never felt or thought my AH would leave me when he gets a clear mind I could understand your feelings. I honestly don't think that will be the case but the opposite. I would hope he could see you been there for him even at his worst times and thats certainly something to be very thankful and appreciative of. That's a level of love and care he probably has not recieved from many if anyone.

In that early of withdrawal/recovery their emotions are haywire. I wouldn't take his attitude towards life personally. In my personal experience the longer of sobriety the better they get. The beginning stages of recovery has always been the worst emotionally.

I would try and just focus on his recovery which includes yourself as well. Talk to a therapist, friend or a group like this in the process to feel less alone. AA offer groups for spouses of alcoholics as well. I would try to avoid confrontation of your feelings to your AH.

Hi Amy87 -
I was about to leave a response to you and then realized there were a few others sent weeks ago. This is my first day on this sight and apparently I dont know how to navigate it yet. Amy your post spoke to me because of your comment about whether he would want you anymore. Reach out if you want to talk more

oops i didn't finish - meaning i know how hard that uncertainty is I also know its usually us feeling that and not him. Also if it helps when my husband is sober he isn't as affectionate but its not because he isn't thinking of me its because he is thinking of what he needs to be sober. It is in no way an insult so please don't take it that way

HI-- I am new here too. I have gone through those feelings too. My AH is not at yours....he is still full blown drinking almost every night. I wish you luck and hope you are doing okay. Be sure to take care of you!

It is hard I know more than you can imagine. Your husband pulling away is not a reflection on you. This is a hard battle
for everyone.
I have been married for 33 years good and bad. Fell like I have lived all these post. My most valuable knowledge is that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the alcoholic. The choice is theirs and theirs alone. It also has nothing to do with you. They will blame or excuse for anything and everything. You control you. They control themselves. You can hope and pray and try anything and everything. It all ends the same. You can only control your actions your choice no matter how difficult. Mine felt like boiling a frog. Started slow. Our love felt rare the kind that would last forever. Married at 16 and 18 now 50 and 52. Pretty incredible on its own. I would suggest no matter where you are on thi journey you read as many of these stories as possible. Go to alonon if possible. And get all the information till you also know there is nothing you can do to change them. Only they can. It is not logical, reasonable, and not your fault.. You must be true to yourself. I am still married living with my husband and doing my best to build a solid stable exit plan and improve and fix me. I don't know when the end will come. The last 3 years have been the hardest. I am no longer hoping , praying to help heal him. He has never physically hurt me but he says the cruelest things he knows will hurt me. Even if I never say a word. He was so drunk and angry once he texted me not to come home but I left my purse at home with no ID or money, so tried to sneak in. He pointed a shoot gun in my face. I was so numb I told him to pull the trigger or get out of my way. He yelled, I got my stuff and left for the first time ever for 6 months went to counseling, alonon. I have moved out 2 more times. Now I am planning ahead I know what will happen and I am working on things in my control. I am working on me.

Yes I felt that way but if that's what happens then that's what happens it has nothing to do with me but himself. He needs to do a lot of soul searching. And self healing and self analysis so he might not be ignoring you he is just wihtin himself trying to figure everything out. But I totally felt that way like what if he married me only because he was a drunk and now sober regrets our marriage? But my husband is 4 years sober now and the first year was rough emotionally but we started reconnecting and now put love is so strong coming out the other side.
Hang in there.