Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Changeforbetter101 02/21/2014

I'm pretty excited. I have a friend who I haven't spoken to in years. She was married to my AH's best friend. Let me tell you what a best friend that guy was! Never liked him - just a kniving, untrusting POS. Anyway she got smart an divorced him years ago. He wasn't as much of an alcoholic as my husband, but definitely had issues with just about everything else. When I talked to her the other day she asked what was going on. I told her that my AH's alcohol has gotten the best of him. Her response "You are just figuring that out now?" I haven't talked to her in about 7 years.... So ya - apparently everyone else knew he was an alcoholic years ago. Hello! Where the hell have I been? I'm going to visit her tomorrow. She lives about 2 hours away. Gives me a place to go, I guess and I could really use her insight. She went through hell with her jackass husband with his lies and manipulations during court. I wish I would have spoken with her first before getting my attorney. She loved hers! Her husband had to do drug/alcohol tests and failed miserably. I have asked my lawyer to do the same, but haven't gotten a response. My thought is - if he already has cirrhosis or pancreatitis then why bother divorcing the jerk? He likely only has a few years/months left anyway??? We will see... My AH used to (and still does) give me crap that I "am always right." Well - I am. I am a very good judge of character and can see through people. When my AH's brother died due to addiction 10 years ago - it was me who said HE NEEDS TREATMENT or he is going to die! The response I got was "We don't want to put him in the system." Seriously? How stupid! And guess what - he died. Cuz they didn't want to 'put him through the system.' I almost think my AH has a grudge against me because I was right about his brother. Unfortunately my AH doesn't see his addiction like his own brothers... Idiots. I have asked my AH to get a physical. He won't. Probably because he know they are going to tell him he drinks to much....Because I tell him he drinks too much and I am always right :-) Anyway - I am excited to see an old friend tomorrow. By the way - she has a fiancé and is very happy with her life now....

lori47 02/22/2014

Wow such an uplifting story about your friend you are going to see. I think we all realize when our AH are drinking too much. What we have lots of problems accepting is that it will completely change who they are and alcohol will take control. AH do not like when we are right about things because they know this and instead of acknowleging this, they get resentful to us, the ones that have loved them through it all. They force us to give up on them with their behavior.

Your AH probably knows inside they are out of control and needs to make changes in a positive way. Instead they refuse and blame us for their problems and couples end up divorced. So we have to focus on ourselves and finding happiness.

Have a great visit and let us know how it goes!

11Christmases 02/23/2014

You must be back by now. I hope you had a nice time and benefit from the insight from someone who has been through the divorce experience herself, who also knows both you and your husband. I have been avoiding talking to our mutual friends, for the most part. Some mutual acquaintances I felt obligated to tell about the divorce, because they asked where my AH was, then their reactions have been inappropriate and I got annoyed. I didn't tell them about the alcoholism, of course, only my close friends know about that. I'm glad you feel you can confide in this person. That is a rare thing. Good luck and let us know what you learn from her.

Changeforbetter101 02/25/2014

I did have a nice time and she was able to give me a lot of insight. Her ex is a jerk. I have never liked the guy and always thought he was a shady character. After reading her court documents - that convinced me I was right about the jerk all along. My friend and I decided my AH and her ex have been talking because they both come up with the same rediculous 'reasons' for hating us. Weird. Did I tell you guys that the reason my AH got himself another (secret) phone line was 'for therapy?" Really? How LAME is that?? Or here's a good one - I got my tubes tied when I had my daughter 17 years ago. My AH refused to get a vasectomy and I was ok with that because I absolutely wanted no more kids regardless. Plus I was double covered by insurance so it was paid for. Anyway - he told me the other night the reason he (made) me get my tubes tied and he DIDN'T get a vasectomy was because then he knew he could never cheat on me because he would be too afraid of an STD or getting someone pregnant. OMG - first time I ever heard that! After 17 years? He's just coming up with all this stupid crap now to justify his lame ass actions. Ya - I've been learning a lot of things lately.... like how WE had a party 10 years ago and he went to bed. He was pissed because I didn't go to bed with him. Hmmmm - "WE were having a party?" And I didn't go to bed? I stayed up because THERE WERE PEOPLE STILL IN OUR HOUSE? What???? Lame, just lame.

tlf43 02/26/2015

I can relate, for years my husbands response was "yeah, I know your perfect," and I actually bought a shirt that said " i know I'm not perfect, but I'm so damn close it scares me." I to have been with my husband 17 years and he too has an enabling family in which I am seen as " the problem." Thank you for your posts, with humor, it really does lighten things. I can also relate to previous posts of the husband trying to divert attention from me, boasting of himself, and immature egotistical bullshit coming out of his mouth that leave everyone like "what?" How are things with you now?

bonblue 02/27/2015

Big Hug Many prayer.
As you have learned AH s are selfish. Never taking responsibility for anything
That goes wrong ..can't do basic math so they font understand
Where the money went so why is there no money for
Smokes and more ah.
When they feel sorry for themselves after they know you
Are at your breaking point. Then they go on the pittie party
Bus . Until they get the next drink. Then it's back to normal.
.You will either stay or go that is all you can do.
Emotionally you will find it the same only he is not
In your face 24/7

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