I understand the hurt and anger. I know how it feels to have the weight of this secret on my shoulders alone. I understand the loneliness and the fear that I have nobody to turn to vent my frustration, even if it's just an ear to listen and not to solve the problem. I know how when I'm at my wits end, when I'm feeling so absolutely drained and broken, that I deserve a safe place to land free from judgement. That if talking to his parents helps me cope, if talking to his parents at least allows me to share this burden so the weight of it isn't so heavy, then that's my right. To hell with what he thinks. Whether or not he decides to seek treatment is on him. If he's pushed to do it, his sobriety won't last anyway (speaking from experience). Keep track of specific instances when his alcoholism made it an unsafe environment for your daughter or unhealthy for your marriage. It will matter if separation happens and he tries to seek custody. I'm right here in the midst of it with ya girl. I'm sorry you're going thru this, but there's strength in numbers. So even if we can't solve anything here together, at least there's comfort in the knowledge that we're not alone. :)

I too can comprehend the weight of keeping my husband's alcoholism a secret because I did it for many years thinking that I was protecting his reputation. That was a huge mistake and very distorted thinking on my part. I think you were right to reach out and turn to his parents for support. Have they been helpful to you? It is the typical response of an alcoholic/addict to try to convince you that you have betrayed them by telling their secret. You did not betray him you actually did a courageous, loving thing by not ignoring this and just hoping for the best.
I would have to agree with you that not getting pregnant again right now is probably a blessing in disguise. The impact that alcoholism has on children is so destructive for them now and in their future.
You're right in how you're feeling....living with an alcoholic is very overwhelming. And depressing.

What Jen77 said has been true in my experience....if he's pushed to go to treatment his sobriety won't last long anyway. People only get better because they want it (not need it) and they do the work it takes in recovery. Support is the key.
You did a very courageous and wise thing by reaching out to your in-laws and to this group and asked for help. If you're not in counseling get in right away. There are options even if you can't afford it. I had the best counselor out there that even did phone counseling with me for a year and a half and I never paid one cent.
Don't try to convince yourself that this might just go away because it won't. Even if he was to quit drinking, whatever are the unresolved and unaddressed issues for why he is using alcohol to cope will still be there.
Look for some support groups to get involved with for your own sanity.
Educate yourself by reading and learning all you can so you're not living in the dark.
Don't try to convince yourself that you can fix or change him in any way. You can't. It took me many wasted years to learn that one.
I hope you step into action right away and don't chose to live in a ditch with a drunk.
If you would like book or website suggestions I can definitely suggest some if you're open to the christian view.
Keep asking for help and don't give up because there is hope!

First let me say how much I relate and empathize with your story. We are also struggling to have kids. We don't have any yet. People tell me it is a blessing in disguise and I get that. I also get that you want it anyway because you deserve love to, which is very difficult to get from an alcoholic. Family is really the only escape from an otherwise lonely, anxiety filled life. So know that those feelings are valid.

Second, I think you did the right thing by telling his parents. He will get over it. I hid my husband's secret as well and it did not help me or him. When I finally decided to talk about it, I started telling everyone- his family, my family, my friends, his friends. It made him more accountable.

Thank you for sharing your story. It really helped me through my day. I don't know anyone who is stuggling with fertility and an alcoholic. I felt really isolated in that struggle. Maybe you could message me and tell me a little more about how the doctor attributed it to his drinking.

I definitely relate to the feeling of nothing is my control. I recommend you give it God. That maybe the only way you get sleep and have peace.

Raising kids in this kind of environment is very difficult and lonely. With each kid I had, I had hope that it would make him want to clean up and be a better person for them and for us. But, it only made it worse. It piled up more responsibilities on him that he could not handle, and turned to drinking more. My boys are now 15 and almost 13. I have my boys and we are close, but at the expense of me raising them mostly on my own and doing everything around the house.

I read somewhere once, that alcoholism can affect fertility. Luckily, we started early enough for that not to be affected.

My prayers for you to make the right decisions for you and anyone else involved.

I want to thank you ladies for taking the time to respond. Reading your posts made me feel less alone. It is so great to finally have someone to relate to (which sucks for all of us) but it is nice. His parents are trying to help him. I know that my husband really respects both of his parents and is embarrassed about his addiction. I think telling them was a great thing, but he isn't ready to get help yet. Right now he is just closing himself off from pretty much everyone. I wish I could get into his head and figure out what he is thinking. I've taken pictures in the past of hidden liquor bottles and things like that, but I will start documenting everything that happens that negatively effects us. Thanks again!

I can't say much more than what has already been said. I have been in a marriage with an AH for 2 1/2 years but have known each other for 30 years I'm the 4th wife. What I've learned is that he (or in your case, your) husband must take it seriously and want to be sober for himself first. I decided to take care of myself. I love my husband so much, we are truly soulmates, but if and when my trust and patience are permanently destroyed, then I will be gone. I am not in control of him and won't try to be ever again. He is an adult who can make his own choices. If he or they CHOOSE to continue to drink AND blame everyone else or everything else for their problem, then we have to save ourselves and be happy. If in my case, my husband truly wants to overcome the addiction, then I will be there every step of the way.