Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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DSTRICK 10/18/2017

So yes I spoiled my AH over the years and yes I regret it now. I've been trying to find myself and stop making things so easy for him. When I pretend all is good he continues to drink and he's HAPPY! But a couple of days of this I start to fight the resentment off... Why can he have his cake and eat it to? And I have to deal with it. The past week since my outburst he's been nice not starting any arguments, which has been peaceful. Well I decided to get back into the gym do something I enjoy even if its only a few hours a week. I was late last night but not to late I received a text 1 stating I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, 3 mins later text 2 HELLO, 3 mins later text 3 I HAVE NO TEA, I HAVE NO FOOD, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. Good thing my phone died before I could respond! Went to my daughters and called my granddaughter that lives with me and probably shouldn't have put this on her because she's 14 but doesn't take his crap.... I asked her to tell him to make some tea and we have left overs in the fridge. His response was "she doesn't do a damn thing"! When I got home I took a shower to calm down, cooked dinner and made his tea. After the girls and I fixed our plate and sat down to eat, he asked where his plate was???? No, I didn't fix him a plate. He did and said I was being mean. He's the one that started the text and accusing me of not doing anything.

Question ladies? Do any of you deal with this? Does ur AH live in the old age of thinking its the wives duty to clean the house, cook, laudry and take care of the family. He works, I work. I may not make as much as he does but we work near bout the same hours. I'm supose to be is wife not his maid. Thats how I feel. And this is the biggest resentment I have. As I bust my butt at night to keep things in order he's drinking and lounging in his recliner watching TV. I never go to bed before 10pm unless i'm completly exhausted and I make myself. I know it's not me the only thing i'm guilty of is letting it happen.

It's hard after so many years to turn ur life around to be that person you once were. To say no and not care if it makes him mad. To do what makes us happy and live our life to the fullest. He would be complelty happy with continuing drinking and me sitting my his side and taking care of his every need. Does this woman exsit? We all question ourself if were being petty or not. They make us feel like were asking them to take a life when asking them to quit drinking. Just the oppisit were asking them to save a life. THEIR LIFE!

learningpatience 10/18/2017

can i say that i think that's an alcoholics way of thinking, it's just another excuse for him to get out of having to be responsible and do his fair share of the work. my AH and i are still quite young but when he's drunk he has a very archaic view of the world. we got pregnant literally a month after meeting and ended up trying to make things work. he was commuting on the bus almost two hours each way when we first had the baby, and he was so stressed out from work and being drunk, he didn't for a minute consider how i might feel or be reacting to the stress of new motherhood and a tiny baby that didn't want to sleep and struggled with nursing. he would get on my case for not having the food done or the house clean, and it gave me a bit of a complex, TBH. i fully believe that a family does not work unless everyone does their part. and you know what? when he's sober - truly sober and not just hung over, he believes the same thing. that we have to work together as a team in order to be successful. since he's been working at being clean he's been contributing a hell of a lot more to the household and family (i think he may finally be over the idea that i am currently the bread winner but who knows). he even notices how his "absence" affects my daughter. clarity comes with sobriety. your husband is an A DOUBLE S, so you are not wrong in feeling resentful and bitter. but can i also say that he is not happy? he doesn't know what happy is. he's a drunk, and he's "getting away with it", but he's not happy. he'll never be happy until he gets his s**t together and gets rid of the monkey on his back. YOU can be happy though. keep reminding yourself that he's in denial. it helps, believe me.

DSTRICK 10/18/2017

thank u! He's always had excuse after excuse and then when sober he blames it all on being drunk. It's crazy and yes hes definitely an A... I still find it hard to believe he can go from the sweet loving man to the biggest jerk. It's all about that Alcohol. Best of luck with urs!

jaxbfalling 10/19/2017

It's just excuses so they can focus on drinking. Hell... My AH won't even mow the yard. Let alone put a liner in the trash can. Then screams about i need to show him more respect. FOR WHAT???

CeeCee4 10/21/2017

Haha for sure my husband was like tbat when he drank. But you bet he ass does all the household chores now. I make twice as much as him. He does the dishes, cooks dinner majority of the time, and he does all the laundry. Folds and puts everything away too. He realized i wasnt gonna put up with his shit and he figured it out. I literally stopped doing everything. No cleaning or laundry so he eventually started doing it.
Its hard. I feel like an alcoholic will look for any reason to be pissy so they can drink. And it probably bothers him to see you happy and taking care of yourself.

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