Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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Question help!

Kendal11
Kendal11

Me again..sorry. I am obviously feeling a bit frustrated and a little lost. One thing that has been driving me crazy is that my AH has been sneaking booze from his car after I fall asleep. This is driving me crazy!!! We had a very honest (or so I thought) relationship up until this point. The nutty thing is that he knows I know. Yet he keeps doing it. I know that tossing it or dumping it doesn't help, but for me its about knowing what I am in. I have asked him to make some changes if this relationship is to continue. So I want to know if he is not being truthful about his drinking. My question is, is there any benefit to insisting that he bring it back into the fridge?? Will it affect how much he is drinking??? Will I look like I am being more accepting of it??? I really just need the lies and sneaking to stop. Any opinions and advice would be appreciated. 


Thank you all. 

othertwin
othertwin
I have been married to my AH for 33 years. I don’t believe you Have any control over what your husband will or will not do. I have found that I need to live my life the way I see fit and let him live his life how he will. It makes no difference in how much my husband drinks if he thinks I approve or not. I think we all need to decide for ourselves what we will put up with because our husbands are going to do what they want. Please know that I understand what you are going through and am sending hugs your way.
loublue22
loublue22
Hi Kendal, I agree w OtherTwin - he’s going to do what he wants to do. My AH does lots of sneaking around w his booze. It’s almost comical how he lies and tries to deny it. I’m at the point that I just can’t care anymore. It’s a waste of my energy.
2Irish
2Irish
othertwin and loublue22 are both sadly correct kendal11. You can certainly try to talk with him to stop hiding his addiction from you but perhaps he is trying to hide it from himself. he is ashamed he cannot change. male egos do not like to admit defeat. There are three types of alcoholics. based on what i have read - one admits a problem and actively seeks to improve. one admits a problem, may go to counseling but the addiction is very strong and perpetually pulls them back. one never admits a problem, never seeks help, always thinks things are fine and uses everyone around them until they die.