Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Been with mine for 31 years and he has just reached the point where he CANNOT take another drink because his liver is shot and his stomach is extremely distended (he looks 15 months pregnant. Twice in the past couple of months he had to go to the hospital to get liquid drained from his belly (they took out 16 liters of fluid - THAT'S 8 2 LITER BOTTLES OF POP.
I have given up and my sadness, resentment, and worry have turned to HATRED. I am very resentful that I must go with him to the emergency room, sit there for hours until they get him a room and then I had to visit him every day like a good wife. I HATED IT.
When he was in the hospital for 5 days, I had the time of my life without his dark cloud jerk ass at home. I blasted my heavy metal music without him to tell me to turn it down, I sang at the top of my lungs, and I played with my dogs who I usually have to keep quiet because PRINCESS DRUNK FUCKTARD is trying to sleep.
Now he is very sick, can't sleep, can't eat, and he is taking his frustration out on me. Over the dumbest of things (I ate some of his fritos and he blew a gasket, I didn't latch the back door properly, the dogs are barking (duh), he thinks I stole his lighter, etc.).
Had a little pow wow this morning about his physical condition (he started the conversation). Telling me he can't sleep, his stomach hurts, he may have to go to the hospital again) and I stood there and listened. A half hour later, he was still awake even though he said he was going to bed. So I ask "do you think you could sleep now? Are you tired? AND THIS DOUCHEBAG SAYS: WHY DO YOU KEEP BUGGING ME ABOUT SLEEP? WHY ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT IF I SLEEP? I just took my dogs in my room and shut the door.
Next time he checks into the hospital, I think I am NOT GOING TO GO and just sit with his cranky ass for hours like the dutiful wife. Does anyone else have to face this?
It sounds like you need a break endlessgrief from all the related problems. I think we reach the limit we cannot take anymore of the manipulating emotional abuse. To stop him from ranting and raving I stick on a recorder on my phone as a last resort especially when feeling drained.
Sorry you are going through this but you are indeed surrounded with kindness.
Recently, I have gone no contact with my toxic family and we were very very close (in a very unhealthy way) and I started to feel better (no more stomach aches and hives) but now I am stuck with this drunk who knows all my weaknesses and will use them against me which is UNFORGIVABLE.
The problem with having no family and a drunk husband is I STARTED EATING MY EMOTIONS. Ballooned up over 200 pounds. My father taught me from birth that fat women were disgusting (my mother was very fat) and the names he called her my entire childhood was nightmare inducing. So now I am in hiding because I am afraid to let anyone see me. It's pathetic.
My teeth veneers fell out and now I look like I belong in Walmart with Mama June and the cast of Hee Haw. I know what I gotta do to get back in shape and get my teeth fixed and then LOOK OUT WORLD.
Before, my family and my love for him kept me going. Now it's the love for ME that keeps me going. Once I get my teeth fixed I am joining the gym up the road. I was always in shape my whole life. I was considering becoming a yoga teacher and I was good at it too. These past years have been a hiccup and only I can fix it.
I am at a point where I don't even want to go home anymore. Never know if Dr. Jeckel or Mr. Hyde is going to be there. Can't believe we have ended up like this because we had a lot of good years together. He has had so many health problems including cancer the past 18 months that I just don't have it in me to leave him. So I come here to vent and it releases some of the pain. Knowing so many of us are in the same situation makes the load easier to bear.