Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Hello, im a 34 year old woman in Australia my partner is 35 and weve been together only 8 months. I love him dearly and he treats me like an angel. From the start i knew he drank to much. i started to drink with him also. A few months in thats when the drunken arguments started. i decided to cut back from drinking and spent last weekend with him while he was blind drunk. I caught him out on a lie, he flipped it saying "its not a lie if i dont tell you" (the lie was about using drugs) He completly flipped out swearing and saying the most awful things, I admit i said some awful things back too, at that point i grapped my bag and went home. i didnt hear from him for 24 hours and copped some abusive texts about how everything is my fault. i told him he needs help and he belittled me. another 24 hours and not a word. its never been like this before.
Do they remember their actions?
Do they remember the verbal abuse or do they choose not to remember?
Im at a loss. Are they always the victim? even if they are in denail about the drinking do they know they have substance abuse problems?
thanks for listening xxx
I hate to be so blunt, but leave while you can!! Hugs, Cathy
I wish I could definitively answer your questions. I have asked the same ones. I personally do think they remember their actions. Maybe not all of it, but at least some of it. They use the alcohol as an excuse to hide behind their bad behavior. And yes, they are ALWAYS the victim. That will not change. It is always about them. They blame everyone else but themselves. Unfortunately, being their partner, you are in the direct line of fire for that.
Another piece of advice is not to engage in conversation when those abusive texts come in. I made that mistake. I now only talk to him when he is sober. Engaging while they are drunk is a recipe for disaster. It just fuels an already burning inferno. They are not rational and will just act worse if you try to reason with them in that state.
It is your decision, but you are fairly new in this relationship. I would get out now. Will just get harder as things progress. I have been in a relationship for 9 years, but been dealing with the alcohol issue for the last 2. Feels like an eternity. I would hate to see you go through that. Again, it is your decision. It sounds like he is showing all the signs of someone with an addiction. It will only get worse. The verbal abuse is brutal and will wear you down after a while. Trust me on this. I would just hate to see you go through that, given the relationship is still fairly new.
All my best to you. Take care of yourself.