Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Addiction & Recovery
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Planning an Intervention

UtahMamaBear
UtahMamaBear



Sometimes I think/hope i'm imagining all this pain and addiction and for a small moment in time I feel like we can overcome it with love and patience, well, I found beer hidden under the backseat of his work truck.  I told myself if this happened it would be the barometer for change.  Well now I have to force my hand and i'm terrified. 


I have had the great fortune to have one of the best interventionists in the country fall into my lap through weird occurences that prove I have a guardian angel and a Universe/God who loves me.. I am hopeful this can work. I have the support of my AH parents but when it comes to assembling a team I am dumbfounded at how I cannot pin point any friends or colleagues he has that he holds in high self-esteem, isn't a drinking buddy or has an emotional connection to.  I am told this is not uncommon with addicts.


Its weird the pattern we fall into....he uses, I withdraw and cannot look him in the eye because of how deep my pain is, a few days later he get aggressive in energy and stature, I begin to be nice and accommodate, i try to steal a private moment away to talk about my pain in an effort for him to gain understanding, he doesn't have sympathy/empathy or inquires as to what about.  He then becomes withdrawn again and behaves like a victim. 


I know wholeheartedly I have played a deep part in his addiction and I wear that shame.  I cannot however wear the shame of staying paralyzed in this purgatory....if not for me or him but for our children.  I am beginning to see the pain they carry manifesting in behaviors, drawings and withdrawn moments.


We all need prayer, support, loving encouragement, faith that the future IS bright and the strength to plow forward. This is my wish for everyone reading this post.  If my story can effect positive change in one of your lives it will inspire me to keep on the good fight.  We must pray for everyone under the influence of addiction and their loved ones who equally live with the adiction on the daily.

bluesprite72
bluesprite72
First off you did not play a part in him being an alcoholic, that is all on him and the choices he has made for his life. No matter what he tells you, it is not because of you. You may have played the part of an enabler, but that does not mean you are at fault at all. I could be wrong, but he sounds like a narcissist. Either way you look at it, you have been emotionally and verbally abused by a mentally disordered person. So, you did nothing to deserve any of the treatment he has given you. You are just a player in his game, a target to blame all of his shortcomings on. They displace and project onto us, so that the focus is shifting away from them, the real culprit, not the victim like they like everyone to believe. We are the victims of abuse in many forms. But if you must feel sorry or bad for them, they are emotionally stuck at whatever age they either had some sort of trauma as a child or when they started drinking. In my AH case, it was pretty close to the same time. It helps you to understand why they act like an immature child when they don't get their way. But, it does not in any way get them off the hook for their choices and behavior. We should not give them the freedom or excuse to continue to abuse us, just because something bad happened in their lives and they never learned how to handle it correctly. We have all had bad things happen in our lives. You don't see everyone in the world becoming addicts and treating everyone badly. Be strong and know that you are going to be okay regardless of whether he decides to change or not.