i have a similar situation though we aren't married. we have a house, but he bought it and it's in his name so i don't have much rights, like if he kicks me out i basically have to go, even though i would have the kid(s). first things first, you have to get your power back, make a list of what it would take for you to leave - a place to go, how much it would cost, etc., and work towards that. talk to a counsellor, therapist, social worker, get free advice from a lawyer. it's empowering, believe me, it made me feel like i had footing when i didn't. last summer my AH fell apart - he spiralled so quickly, we had to involve the police. he went to inpatient rehab, didn't help much because he has underlying mental issues. i thought everything was finally getting better now that we are expecting number two but he had a major set back last week and hasn't spoken more than five words to me since (he threatened to take the kids from me and he said things like, "mommy's not right in the head" in front of my 4 year old. he hasn't so much as acknowledged his wrong doing). right now, i'm just trying to live my life like he doesn't exist. it hurts because he is still here, he just ignores me. we have dr appointments, a pending birth, etc., and i don't even want him to be at the hospital when the time comes. that's about 8 weeks away and a lot can change but the fact that someone can be so cruel makes you wonder if they're worth having in your life. i've detatched for the most part, though it still hurts and i always think who is he talking to and if he's "stepping out" - i don't think he is but i can't help but feel that way. self doubt is a killer. i'm hesitatnt to make future plans because who knows if we will be here. but detatching is a powerful next step for you, and also the book "codependent no more", it helped me a lot.

@learningpatience, thank you for your comment. I definitely agree with you. I'm going to get the book you recommended today. Thanks!

Trying to keep your self esteem, sanity and not getting depressed in a situation like this is very hard. I can't tell you how to not let you affect you because it has me. But I can tell you that you are not alone, your are a beautiful woman, a great mom and a smart lady. I pray you find the strength you need. I pray we all find it.

can you lean on nearby friends or family?

Hi 2Irish,
Our families are 9 hours away. I have a couple of friends I can call or see in the area.

leigh, I just recently tried the detaching, I feel better at times but you have to work hard on not letting him effect you with his harsh words. Try and find something outside of the home to do when you know that he's going to be drinking. Talk to your friends or find a therapy group, don't be ashamed to just talk it out. That's the only way to keep from being sucked up into his addiction. I find going to the gym helps me think clear and also helps me feel better about myself. This will not get better i'm sorry to say, but I do understand that its hard when you can't afford to leave or feeling of giving up everything that you have worked so hard to build in your home and family. But trust me their will come a day that nothing will matter anymore, I look at my home and wonder why I choose to stay. Not saying that you need to leave because that's a decision everyone has to make for them self. Just know your not alone stay strong and pray!