And he was a jerk. One of our biggest fights. He was drunk walking up the steps stumbling. Yet he drove home 45 minutes away. And slept until 10 but he only got up then because he was still drunk and he had to pee. Last night he smashed the screen door where the bottom part is completely gone and that was after he repeatedly opened and slammed the door because he wanted to make sure I knew he was mad. Because he went out and decided to get drunk where he could barely function happily for our daughters birthday.! It woke her up too because he was screaming at me as he kept slamming the door like a crazy lunatic, screaming f-you over and over again calling me a c***, and saying what the f do you do. He kept getting in my face and I finally slapped him because he was acting like he was going to hit me never did. It wouldn't let me walk away was nose to nose with me and leaning me off the railing to the porch. He's so immature and says he won't ever quit. And today he's just being an asshole and acting like I'm the one at fault. But I really don't give a shit. I'm so over it all. My poor kids should not have a dad that is this way, and I do t deserve a husband that treats me this way either.

The best thing you can do is but to engage. Easier said than done I know because I fall into that trap every time. We want so badly to yell and scream and be heard and obeyed but it's pointless with an alcoholic, especially when he is drunk. I try to go aviyt my day like he doesn't exist. It's tough because the feelings of rage and resentment are overwhelming but you can't argue or discuss wth a drunk. You have to detach safely. He won't change until he wants to and is ready, but you can work on yo Rself to make t better, which makes it easier I make a hard decision if it comes to that. I started with reading codependent no more and it made a big difference for me. I've only been in this for 4 years (our whole relationship) and I lost just about most of me to this but I am finally at a place in my head and heart where I know I will be ok with or without him. To his credit he is getting help but it hasn't made it easier. We struggle daily, and it sucks. But when it comes to alcOlson and addiction it isn't just the addict who needs help, their selfish actions and behaviours cause long term damage to everyone around them. Seek a therapist or counsellor or group like al anon, find out what your options are, legally and for getting help for you and your daughter, and start making plans for you to be happy. It's the best weapon at our disposal. Good luck and love your way!!! It's hard but we are in this together.

Thank you for your reply. I just started al anon online and I really hope it helps. I need my sanity back. I've been going through all of this with him for 11 years. He's gotten worse and 3 kids later he hasn't changed or even wanted. It's affecting our two oldest daughters the most because they are at an age where they are starting to really understand what is going on. Our middle daughter is really affected by it the most. She has a hard time when she catches him drinking. I just pray that they don't end up in the same situation that I'm in when they get older or that they don't turn out to be alcoholics either! It's so sad. I'm really hoping that al anon helps. Last night reading through some of it, it gave me some hope and I was able to sleep a lot better after reading it.