Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Over a year later and nothing has changed...

Juliennes
Juliennes

I found this group in the summer of 2017, and my husband was binge drinking on the weekends and I started school to try and better my self and get in education so I can try and be able to support myself and my children.  I am still in school and doing incredibly well considering the trainwreck that is my home life.  My husbands drinking binges have gotten longer than just weekends.  They can last several days to a week and then he feels sick enough that he can pull himself out of it and sober up for a bit.  He is always apologetic and swears he is going to stop drinking.  I,  of course,  believe none of it.  He went out this afternoon and hasn't come home.  I have no idea where he is.  I got one text hours ago saying that he was fine.  Now his phone is dead and I am sick with worry.  I know this is total co-dependence but how do learn to numb yourself enough to not let it consume you?   My 19 year old wants me to go out and look for him, which I refuse to do.  I have so much school work to do but I can't concentrate.  My 19-year-old has always idolized his dad and this has got to be crushing him.  I have tried to get him to talk to someone but he won't.  He feels that it is my responsibility to take care of his dad and make sure he stays safe.  It is heartbreaking but I am hurt too....which I guess is silly that he feels bad for his dad but doesn't seem to care about me.  We have a good relationship and I know in my head that it is just an impossible situation and he is just trying to cope as best he can too.  I just feel so alone.  Thank you for listening. 

Sll82
Sll82
Your husband does exactly what mine does....binge drinks until he is sick of it and sobers up, then swears he is giving up alcohol. I use to worry myself sick if he went and drive to the shop after drinking but the other night he did it and I didn't bat an eyelid, it was very liberating!! I have learnt that my husband is 2 people, my wonderful husband and the alcoholic ar*whole and I have to let that person fall in order for my husband to realise how bad it's got. So long I have covered his tracks, tidied up after him and saved him from messing up his life but I can't do it anymore otherwise it will never change
Juliennes
Juliennes
Thank you for your response....It is so hard sometimes....my head knows all of the right things regarding how to act and what to do but my heart makes it difficult sometimes. I hope that you have had peaceful holidays.
Sll82
Sll82
I'm lucky in the sense that I had a peaceful Xmas but it's only because we had a bad few weeks running up to it and he made himself sick!! Now he has vowed to give up drink but for me, he will never give up until he deals with the problems in his head. My constant life question is do i give up and abandon my wonderful husband that unfortunately has spent his life being abandoned by his so called loved ones and watch him end up homeless and probably die or do it just stick with it and not be one of the people that have up on him? It's a horrible question to deal with
Juliennes
Juliennes
It's an impossible situation no matter what you decide....For me, I know that the cycle will continue and nothing will change until I change. I know that in my head and in my heart. While I am not financially able to leave, I wonder if and when I am I will be able to. I love my husband, but it makes me so sad to watch him keep doing this to himself and to us. I am so glad that your Xmas was peaceful....it is good to cherish the quiet times when you can!