Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Mezz, I found the following about NY divorce laws. Wouldn't the "endanger physical and MENTAL well being be applicable for you to proceed? I would think his medical/detox records could back you up to a certain point. Too bad you can't lock him out of the house, too, since you've already fulfilled the "no sex" clause. I know you've probably researched this on your own, but I would think mental cruelty could certainly be applicable:
"Grounds" are legally acceptable reasons for a divorce. In New York, there are divorces after separation, and fault-based divorces. There is no such thing is NY as "irreconcilable differences."
Divorce after separation - In a divorce after separation, you do not have to have one of the fault-based grounds, or reasons, for the divorce that are listed below. To file for divorce, you and your husband must either have a separation agreement or a court ordered-judicial separation. You also must live separate and apart for one year after the agreement or judicial order before you can be divorced. To understand what needs to be in a separation agreement in order for it to be considered a ground for divorce, it is best to consult a lawyer.
Fault-based â With a fault-based divorce, you do not have to be separated before filing for the divorce. In New York, you can file for a fault-based divorce for any of these reasons:
â¢Cruel and Inhuman Treatment â This includes physical, verbal or emotional abuse that endangers your physical or mental well being to the point that it is "unsafe or improper" for you to live with the abuser. The judge will require more than that you simply did not get along with one another. The judge will be looking for specific instances of cruelty that occurred in the last five years.
â¢Abandonment â To file for divorce based on abandonment, your spouse must have abandoned you for a period of one or more years. Specific examples of abandonment by your spouse include a physical move from the home or locking you out of the home. Also, if your spouse has refused to engage in sexual relations with you for at least one year, this can also qualify as abandonment and is known as "constructive abandonment."
"Grounds" are legally acceptable reasons for a divorce. In New York, there are divorces after separation, and fault-based divorces. There is no such thing is NY as "irreconcilable differences."
Divorce after separation - In a divorce after separation, you do not have to have one of the fault-based grounds, or reasons, for the divorce that are listed below. To file for divorce, you and your husband must either have a separation agreement or a court ordered-judicial separation. You also must live separate and apart for one year after the agreement or judicial order before you can be divorced. To understand what needs to be in a separation agreement in order for it to be considered a ground for divorce, it is best to consult a lawyer.
Fault-based â With a fault-based divorce, you do not have to be separated before filing for the divorce. In New York, you can file for a fault-based divorce for any of these reasons:
â¢Cruel and Inhuman Treatment â This includes physical, verbal or emotional abuse that endangers your physical or mental well being to the point that it is "unsafe or improper" for you to live with the abuser. The judge will require more than that you simply did not get along with one another. The judge will be looking for specific instances of cruelty that occurred in the last five years.
â¢Abandonment â To file for divorce based on abandonment, your spouse must have abandoned you for a period of one or more years. Specific examples of abandonment by your spouse include a physical move from the home or locking you out of the home. Also, if your spouse has refused to engage in sexual relations with you for at least one year, this can also qualify as abandonment and is known as "constructive abandonment."
That is different from, if I walk away from this, I have no place to live, and I still owe the bank 700/month.
There is no hope.
Because he never hit me, not only do I not have that as grounds for divorce, I can't even bar him from the house.
Even if I could make a trail of "mental cruelty"--and not taking getting treatment for alcoholism does not count--the state would be disinclined to grant me a divorce because then he would lose his health insurance and the state would have to pay for his upkeep instead of me.
As far as our daughter, I have to wait until he's in the house and THEN call CPS on him.
The lawyer very sensibly pointed out that since he's got alcoholic liver disease and some cirrhosis it may be a moot point, anyway.
So back on the phone with the doctor I went. Didn't get one. Eight hours later, when one called me back, the answer was, "He's doing better."