How awful! I know about this nightmare that you are in. I was with mine a total of 21 years....the final 3 living separate to save me from insanity and suicide. Mine also cheated when he was so drunk he didn't know he had. I went to Alanon and really poured out some painful stuff and have a group of people understand and comment and be supportive totally kept me from losing my sanity. That was around year 7 I think. He died last january....alone...found on a sidewalk. I could never really get away.....I loved the sober him so much...but he was very rarely sober. I just want to say that I pray that you have support and make a solid plan and Rathole a little money away so you can go if you need to. I have been thru so much that I have ptsd, depression, anxiety that won't stop. I'm sorry for what you're going thru. Someone once told me. If you KNOW about them cheating once. Then how many times didn't you see. I personally keep myself tucked securely under God's wing and stay there. I couldn't make it in this world without the Lord

Turn to your friends and family. You need to build up a support system. It will help you to have people on your side. I didn't for the first couple of years of my relationship. But then I started talking. I've been with mine for 18 years and now have some solid people to turn to in my life. I wish you luck. Things will turn around some day. Pray alot.

My problems are hidden as well behind cover ups and lies to protect my husband . I understand not wanting to let the truth but either you have to tell someone who can help you, or just make up another reason why you are ending your relationship. Honestly, I feel like whatever is easier for you. Low self-esteem is not needed, there are plenty of men who would love to take his place! You may not know them yet but they exist! There's nothing you can do about his friends, that's his choice and you can't control it. I've been stuck before because of financial reasons too, finally I broke down and moved myself, and my 2 kids into 1 room at my mom's across state to get away. And believe me, my mom was the last person on earth i wanted to find out! She's very judgemental, she made it clear if it wasn't for my kids she wouldn't let me stay, and I hid so much from her she didn't know I went into emergency surgery for a miscarriage, and passed out from blood los in my car.. I preferred to let her think I was out all night than tell her the truth. He wasn't a alcoholic, just a abusive man but when you can't take it anymore you'll find a way no matter how much worse that way may seem.

I'm sorry you are going through this. A lot of us have been with an Alcoholic spouse or significant other for years. The other posts are correct, you need a support group with friends or family. For the first few years I was denial of my spouses addiction or the impact it had on me. I'm not sure of your circumstances but why can't you financially leave? Credit can be repaired, new jobs can be found. A good friend or relative will usually give you a place to stay for a short time. It's ok to think of yourself.

You have to save yourself....I have 3 kids and am pregnant and finally left my alcoholic Christmas day....he drove drunk with my kids and passed out behind the wheel.....save yourself