so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. Just focus on yourself and those babies. Praying peace over you today!

thanks dstrick, i've been wondering how you've been doing! we decided to do the early genetic testing so i had an ultrasound today and it was kind of a relief to see little baby in there presumably doing well and getting bigger. i didn't feel that rush of excitement tho, which i find to be the saddest part of it. don't get me wrong, this baby is wanted and already loved (my daughter is SO thrilled she's going to be a big sister) but all of this sh*t going on with him has me devoid of feeling. one day we'll have peace, fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later.

I'm getting by day by day, I stayed with my daughter for a week and ended up going back because he caught my weak spot with my 14 yr old granddaughter. They used to be so close since she's lived with us most of her life we're more of parents to her than her own parents. But she's very head strong and speaks her mind. last year she rescued a kitten that has something wrong with him and he's unable to walk he has to drag his hind legs. This was understood that she would only keep the kitten temporarily until we could find a home. 2 weeks into it he told her she could keep the kitten, and now thats his argument when he needs one, because the cat can't use the litter box he complains if he messes on the floor and she doesn't get to it before he sees it. Last week we were gone and he was home the cat pooped and instead of cleaning it up he threw a throw pillow from the couch on top of it. And started up an argument when she said something. Threatened to kill all her pets. Had her so upset that I couldn't leave. Now i'm just waiting it out he thinks he's won again but not this time. I can only pretend so much and i'm all out of it.

Happier thoughts, i'm glad the baby is doing well and it's understandable that your not as excited. Your going through so much with him and his drinking. Been there and it's not a good feeling. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child my best friend and her infant baby was staying with us, I had an infection and had to stay the night in the hospital. Found out months later that he made a pass at her while he was drunk! Should have left then but we were still young and thriving. But I do have my fingers crossed i'm not giving up on peace and happiness!

What a hard time you are going thru!! And everything is harder and seems more helpless when you’re pregnant. I see these pregnant women getting pampered by their loving husbands and I just think to myself ‘wtf did I do in my life to deserve the selfish husband that I have?!’ . It feels unjust and unfair that the times in our lives that should be the happiest are stolen away from us because we are busy stressing out and worrying about these men that are supposed to be our support and our partners and our protectors. Well I’m sorry you are going thru this. No one should have to endure what we wives of alcoholics endure. At this point I think to myself that even if he made a change tomorrow and acted as a different person, I don’t think I would care. The damage is done. And now he disgusts me. I’m glad your baby is healthy! Keep taking care of yourself and your babies. They’re the ones that matter most!

I'm so sorry you are going through this... I know exactly how you feel. My AH will do the same thing for attention and I have become so numb to it. We haven't been married long and I am already wondering if it is too much to work past. It's amazing how selfish they can be and the emotional whiplash they create. Congratulations on your new little one! Hoping you find your peace soon.

I am pretty numb myself. I send you my heart and my prayers.