You can't take the girls too? I would hate to leave them as well. Usually when my AH is drunk he either sleeps in another room or I do. I don't want to be next to him when he's like that. He made this comment to me once about how I basically demanded sex and he was "turned off" by it. I am a huge prude so for me to ask for it is rare, but for him to say that... after the bull he's come at me with... honestly, I have very little love for him and I don't know if it will ever come back. It might be the pregnancy hormones but it's just too much of these stupid asinine and intentionally hurtful comments and actions that have me looking at him like I don't know who he is or if I want to pretend like this is going to work for the next month or year or decade or even the rest of our lives. I want to be happy I want to know that I can leave and not fear that he will be drunk when I get home or vice versa. Why don't we deserve that too? The answer is we do, we do deserve it but the only way to get it is for us to make that hard unfair decision to leave or kick them out (if possible). Sucks. I hope you can find some peace

I so much identify by what you are saying. Ugh, I keep hoping that the alcohol will lower his libido, but not so far. My husband throws his leg over me and rubs up against me when he is drunk and it disgusts me. I kick his leg away and usually end up sleeping on the very edge of our king size bed, since he lays diagonally across it when drinking! I usually just sleep in the guest room when he is drunk, but it pisses me off that he gets the nice bed and always just assumes that I didn't sleep with him because he snores when drunk. I am so angry at him most all of the time now. If I mention his drinking at all, it starts a fight which always ends with his problems being my fault. He had a drinking problem when I married him 30 years ago. I can't believe I married him anyway. Everyone loves him, but don't know that behind closed doors there is not much of a marriage. He either "loves me so much" or I am a "whore", who took away all his hopes and dreams. I know it must not be normal for a wife to actually look forward to time away from her husband, but I do! You all in this group are a godsend to me .

learningpatience- I could take the girls however my daughter has 2 small girls an a baby on the way with 3 inside dogs, my girls have a dog and 4 cat. It would be pretty cramped and my girls are at that age that they like their space, I do hate it for them that they can't have a normal life. I allow friends to come over but it's rare that they bring anyone over and I have to try and make sure to be nice so he want start up. It makes me so mad that he doesn't care who is there if he doesn't get his way he's going to show out! The sex when I don't just give in he makes the comments also his is "When you want it everything is fine" sorry but its been a long time since i've "wanted it" ! I'm so sorry ur dealing with this pregnant, I loved being pregnant but I joke now that I would have to shoot myself if that were to happen now, can't imagine another 18 yrs of raising a child with him. I hope things get better for u
othertwin- I think were married to twins. LOL! I also try to escape to the edge of the bed, he's right there just about knocking me off. Fortunately he doesn't get the urge but a times a month and when I do give in i'm in the mood of just do it and get over with it.... Good thing it only last 5 mins. but then I feel like i've been violated. I jump up and go straight to the bathroom. No romance in our bedroom. Our 30 yrs seems to be nearing the edge of life. Every day I feel myself loosing more and more of the love and the obligation to stay and protect him.
Last night was Halloween his duty is to hand out candy while sitting by the fire pit. I always walked with the kids and now our grand kids. well an hour into our walk he came driving up asking if everything was alright or if we needed a ride??? My grown son said dad were trick or treating with the kids, I asked him who was attending to the fire and the candy? NOBODY he replied! He drove a mile down a crowed road with babies out having fun,DRUNK! I always make sure to have enough candy to last the night, have more than enough. Not last night while he was joy riding our candy was taken. Don't care it was for the kids but for him to leave like that. Anything could of happen and since nothing did happen he will continue to think it's fine. He's un stoppable! I'm so disgusted.

I can relate to this 100 percent.

setting him off becoming more frequent since i've tried to ignore him and refusing to have sex while he's drunk. Last week while on vacation I still had to work, he was sick one day and didn't drink anything and for some reason he didn't drink the day after. I wasn't mean to him however I didn't give into him either and make a big deal out of it. This isn't the 1st time that he's not drank for a couple of days in a row. It has happened before and I refuse to celebrate and be let down once again. I was given tickets to the Alabama football game saturday night and this time I chose to take my 13 yr old and have a nice girls weekend. He makes it clear that he doesn't like to travel and being 4-5 hrs away he would have had to, and with him always making a fool of himself I decided NO I will not take him. I know that's not what started it, he doesn't care anything about going to watch a football game, this was a chance for him to make me feel like i'm the bad one and he's this innocent victim! We did enjoy the game but I've been chastised all weekend for it. Last night I got home to him pulling anything sexy he could find that I don't wear for him so I must wear for someone else.... I probably left our 13 yr old in a motel while I was whoring around. Because that's what I do! And at some point in our life I had a drinking problem.... Hello who didn't party when they were 18+. We married when I was 22 yrs old I got pregnant shortly after and gave up drinking and only drank on occasions. It's been 30 years and he's still drinking. I try so hard not to give him anything to fuel his fire. Just simply yes or no replies. Everything I do or say is twisted to make him feel better. Looking back at some of the things he said last night as i'm begging him to stop that he was only making things worst. I think he's lost his mind.... How do love someone in one breath and belittle them in the next. My heart is so broken that I don't know if it can ever be better, I stayed so long to avoid what i'm dealing with now. God if I could just go back and make changes! Just to exhausted to comprehend anymore.

I can relate to this so much! My husband actually told me last night it was basically my fault he was drinking because we never have sex. I told him I'm not attracted to him when he is drunk, and he drinks everyday! Then I asked if he would quit if we had sex all the time..he said it wouldn't happen and made excuses. I told him I have shut down because I have been begging for 3 years for him to stop. He doesn't get it. And now I must be cheating when I went out and bought all $400+ worth of food for Thanksgiving. I'm so done and now In supposed to get over it and want to have sex?!

Oh the sex bit. So horrible, luckily for me my husband has several health issues so his medications mixed with alcohol make him non functional in the bedroom. He tried blaming me for a while, but it became quite obvious it’s not my parts that don’t work. Ha! I feel like if I never have sex again ever, it will be a great gift!

fml. its whatever they want, never what we want. And we win because were in control! I get so tired of being accused of being in control or cheating. With my AH he will nag all night long until I give in. It's been over a month since I gave in last and then I made sure he knew it wasn't willing! That's why he's in such a rage right now because I told him that i'm not giving in while he's drunk and if he needs it that bad he can start looking somewhere else! So i'm guessing that's why he tried to reach out to his 32 yr ex wife again. Which obviously doesn't want any part of it. She knows how he was in his 20's and 30 yrs later its far worst. I'm afraid the only companion he's going to find now is someone that's in the same boast as he is!

jms - Lucky.... But I will say I don't understand why the fuss when its pretty much over before its starts!