Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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NO RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!!!

Tambo5
Tambo5
My AH left Thursday and did not come home - he went on a drinking binge. He finally called today wanting some of his things. I told him that I did not want me or the kids around him at this time. I told him that I would take some of his things to his moms and that he could make arrangements for the rest. I guess he is going to stay with a freind of a friend???? I am okay if he leaves, but we had a small business together that he abandoned, left me to do a contracted install by myself, no money, three kids and bills to be paid! He tells me "I know you are upset so we can talk about terms another time". UPSET????? ME???? Why should I be UPSET? He just left me with everything on my shoulders without any regard to the situation! I told him that it must be nice to be able to act like you are 16 years old and have no responsibilities, leave your wife to clean up the mess, pay bills and take care of three kids without as much as "How can I help"! Oh, and now unemployed, becasue I can't run the business by myself! I honestly don't think that I will EVER understand alcoholism!!!!!

I know that I will get through this - I am just angry right now!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, Tambo, you've got it tough what with having had a business with your husband and now he's done a runner. I wish I had some words to offer that would make it better but I think we all need to find that within ourselves. Do you have any family that can support you emotionally or help out in other ways? At this time, I haven't breathed a word to my husband's family about his drinking. I'm too embarrassed, I guess.

I don't think there IS a way for we sober people to truly understand what it's like to be an alcoholic and the irresistible temptations it has for some people. If we could, it would be so much easier to help our loved ones caught in the mess!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tambo, considering my frame of mind this morning, and the fact that my AH decided to start drinking again yesterday, if it were me, I would say good damn riddence. Let him go, let him waste away or whatever is so good on the "other side." As far as the business goes, there are lots of people out there looking for work. Maybe you could swing hiring someone? I would just make up my mind that it was now MY business and the "terms" he wants to discuss would most definitely be MY terms when the time came. He is the one who abandon it, not you. Talk to a lawyer.

Yeah, I'm bitter and PO'd this morning and I'm sorry for that if I'm totally misspeaking my opinion. But I am SICK TO DEATH of trying to UNDERSTAND their disease. I'm sick of having to detach from situations that anger me to no end, sick of having to deal with their petty insecurities and whining, manipulative ways just so they get what they want and need and we sit here "supporting" their ignorant selves. I'm tired of being the one who feels insane and out of control. I feel like my entire life is spent working towards getting what he wants and needs to make it through life while I just sit here wasting away and using up energy on him that should be used on me.

Again, sorry if I'm stepping on anyone's toes here.

Book
deleted_user
deleted_user
Our AH's accepting responsibility?????????????????

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!

I think that's the consistent thing that I've learned from all of the therapists I've talked to, Al-Anon and open AA meetings.

They don't want the responsibility and they know that we'll do it because we're not going to let our children suffer.

Book, I am so sorry. My heart is so sad for you. Be pissed off. You deserve it and have earned the right.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i have to say i am SO happy I found this site. I dont think ANYONE that isnt in our shoes ever really understands. They think it is so easy to leave etc. I also know I will NEVER understand this addiction thing either. I don't know why after 15 years I still waste SO much mental energy trying to figure it out. I agree with the good riddance theory, but mine keeps coming back. He spends 2-3 days at home , then 3-4 on a binge, then back again. He wont leave or let me leave and REFUSES to talk "logically" about divorce. He is always SO sorry and needs to work on himself etc etc. He is darn right he is sorry!!!! i found a secret cell phone he had today hidden in the dining room behind a frame, i threw it in the garbage!!