Hello! This is my first time engaging in any kind of online support group. I was in denial about my situation for awhile but have recently had to make some very hard decisions. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, together for 9. He has been an addict our whole relationship and I have been an enabler. I found I was constantly making excuses for why he was drinking/smoking weed or abusing pills and he was great at making me feel his drinking was a result of my behavior towards him. I've come to realize that it takes 2 to tango. I now understand that although I don't cause him to drink and his addictions are not my fault that I have been co-dependent on him for years, living out of fear. Fear that if I take a stand against his behavior our 2 small girls will be without a father. We have been in a nasty cycle of living for the last 6 years. He drinks too much, lies, gets high, I find out, he leaves. He always came back days later and nothing is ever talked about but rather pushed under the rug. Last Monday I was driving to work and just so happened to come up behind my husband who was also driving to work. We live in a town of about 70,000 people so the chances of this happening are slim. I honked, he didn't hear me. He turned into an ally so I followed. It was there I saw him disposing of all of his wine bottles. I had a revelation right there. If I don't take a stand to protect myself and my girls this is going to continue for the for-seeable future. I should explain that my husband needs to drink to function. He rarely ever gets "drunk" as his tolerance is very high but needs to start drinking in the am to get through the day, drinks while driving along with smoking weed. I've been criticized by his family members that I'm "over reacting" and he isn't an addict. Its the most frustrating situation. I made the decision to pack his things and force him to leave. He left, but kicking and screaming. He even snuck back into the house the first night. He came back the next day and moved everything from the house and we haven't heard from him since. I'm preparing to take some harsh criticism about my decision. I'm ok with that. I've taken a very hard stand to work on myself and I'm slowing learning how to live without spending every minute trying to control him and his addictions. I'm hopeful that he will eventually hit rock bottom so to say and realize how desperately he needs treatment and professional help but I'm also preparing myself that he may continue to choose his addictions over our family and I will need power other than my own to get through that. Yikes! This was long! Thank you for letting me rant, I've read through a few of these posts and its encouraging to know that we aren't alone in this.