Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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No clue!

DSTRICK
DSTRICK

Update on AH's test results.... We went last week for lab results, his kidneys are funtioning at 18% and liver is elevated. He told the Doctor that he feels 100% just because his BP has leveled back out. For a week he was having low readings under 84/52 would go extermly high to low and he couldn't stand without feeling faint. Had to be out of work for a week and yes he continued to drink! I know his body has to have it now and he just can't quit cold turkey but the problem i'm having is WHY??? Can't he ask for help like Rehab? He won't even mention it, couldn't wait to get back to work (which I should be thankful that he's wanting to work) but this is his life! So Doctor tells him that he's almost in renal failure and liver isn't good. He suggested an ultra sound of liver and repeat on the labs (just to make AH happy since he thinks it was false readings) He goes next week for review of test again but I found his results on the Doctors web patient portal and it shows basically no change in labs some have lowered but still high. Kidney is reading 20% instead of 18%. Liver ultra sound is showing fatty liver and enlarged. I'm not a Doctor so the results will stay with me he can wait until he sees his doctor. I just can't for the life of me understand how he can continue and not at least slow down. Saturday I found 2 empty pints of Jim Beam (he doesn't mix he chages with a sip of sprit) Sunday I only seen 1 empty bottle. I'm so over this but don't know where i'm headed after church yesterday I asked for a meeting with my Pastor, i'm hoping for something to releave me. Right now i'm so obsesed with his medical issues I google every abnormal result trying to figure out what it is. I feel like i'm going crazy! I can't talk to him if I sleep in the same bed i'm literally hanging off the bed. He was some what sober last night and said he misses me! I don't wanna hear that, for years i've missed him. Did he care? Did he stop when I cried to comfort me??? NO, so why should I care anymore? I really thank each and everyone of you on here that's been supportive! Praying peace and happiness for all of us. 

Catsden
Catsden
I understand, I have been the one crying with no one to comfort me for years, and once I'm gone, he loves me and misses me. I loved him for a lot of years only to get nothing in return. I'm sorry you are having this struggle. I do understand and here to listen
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
Thank u Catsden! its the toughest struggle of my life. I know we're all suppose to love and forgive but how much are we suppose to forgive and how can you continue to love under these circumstances year after year! My heart aches I've given my entire adult life to him and all I asked for was to be his #1. That will never happen and now I don't even think I want to be his #1.
hopingforbettertimes33
hopingforbettertimes33
DSTRICK,
None of us will be #1 as long as alcohol is in the picture. Unfortunately, that is the reality. I, too, struggle with this. Not sure I care to be #1 any longer either. Totally understand your feelings. I'm with you.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
I had a long discussion with him last night. I try not to talk serious when he's been drinking but I received 7 text on my way home telling me if I love him show him or don't come home because its driving him crazy.... I couldn't hold back I nicely walked in and told him that 1st off it's our home and I don't like what he's doing but I haven't told him to not come home. 2nd I talked about his health issue and what he intends on doing, if he were to need a kidney he know quit well how hard that journey is since his niece went nearly 6 yrs trying to find a match and with his drinking he wouldn't even be considered. His response was he just wants to DIE, he's worked his entire life and has nothing! Really? You have a good job, a nice home a nice truck, healthy children and grandchildren your mom is 95 and Awesome, what more do you need??? I told him this is why I have to prepare myself, why I can't continue to allow alcohol to consume my every thought or move and why I will not give in anymore to his every need. I need also and I've sacrificed so much for him. I've cried and cried over him, I can't continue this anymore!
hopingforbettertimes33
hopingforbettertimes33
DSTRICK,
My heart breaks for you. I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend always says how he has nothing. I am like, what am I? Chopped liver? I sometimes think he is in some way going through a midlife crises He has a decent job (but hates it), a condo and a loving family. He has a lot to be thankful for. My boyfriend talks about wanting to die too. This is off and on, but I resent it, At first, it devastated me. Now I am not sure if it is being done to cause more drama and just get my attention. I know you should never ignore that though.

Keep your head up and please take care of yourself. So hard not to be sucked into their issues. Believe me, I know firsthand. Try to do something nice for yourself every so often. You deserve that.

Hugs and prayers are with you.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
thank you!
jms7229
jms7229
I’m in a place of extreme guilt myself for the same reasons. Mine stopped drinking about 6 weeks ago but within days was given a script for opiates due to sciatic/ back pain three months in he is firmly in the grip of opiate addiction. He is a long term, non compliant diabetic with kidney involvement ( that he pretends he never knew about.) I’ve seen the renal/ nephrology referrals that he just ignores for the last several years. Last primary doctor visit showed lower sugar level ( sure, no alcohol) but increas3e blood pressure ( he says he has white coat syndrome that’s why BP is high) he has a STAT appointment with the kidney doctor but I’m pretty sure he won’t follow through ... he says his filtration rate was 20% but he has no idea what that means.
He has become so very lost in opiates that on Saturday he slept almost 20 hours and STILL woke up stoned.
Yesterday he got p stoned and took me to the diner it was like being with a dememtia patient and I had a panic attack in the diner.
When he stopped drinking a while back he made arrangements to enter treatment at the VA.... I don’t see that happening.
I really cannot do this any more. I
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
I hear you JMS, Mine had a follow up appt this morning but after last night I didn't even asked to go with him so I won't know what the doctor said and i'm sure he'll pretend its all good. I tried to explain to my AH what the 18% meant and how a kidney transplant wouldn't be an option for him with his drinking... He just looked at me and said he was ready to die because he's worked so hard his whole life and has nothing to show for it.... Go figure! I guess nothing is going to change and i'm right there with you on not being able to do this anymore. I'm tired! Last week he was calm and I though well maybe he's gotten the hint that i'm not giving into him, well his vacation started friday afternoon and the nice ended yesterday... Last night when I asked him please not touch me he blew up and told me to get out of his bed, the bed he paid for! Just last week it was OUR money OUR things, now were back to its all his! I slept on the couch and heaven help me will not be back in HIS bed. Stay strong your not alone!