It doesn’t get any better! I’ve been trying for 32 yrs and it’s just getting worst. I used the excuse of keeping my family together and not wanting the financial struggle like I seen my 2 sisters go through with divorce. My AH has never been without a job he’s only worked at 3 different t jobs in our 32 years of marriage. But when he’s not working he’s drunk! The more I push for him to quit the more he drinks. I gave up 3 years ago and I’m just a walking time bomb and feel like at any moment I’m going to explode. This should be my chance to get away and live my life but for me and dreaming that one day he would change I kept myself here with kids. My kids are grown and have their own lives so instead of taking my life back I raised a niece and then adopted 2 granddaughters. Wouldn’t dare change that because they kept me moving forward. But I still have that void in my life.... The longing for a companion to talk to and not have to repeat myself over n over! It’s a lonely life your kids can only do so much for u. It’s sad that we marry the person we wanna spend our live with and that person fails! I could understand more if it was another woman coming between us but a bottle!!! How can u win??? You don’t! It’s your choice in life nobody can make it for you but I can tell you this... if I would have known the heartache of staying this long and how hard it would be, I think I would have left many years ago! Eventually your broken heart will heal but staying turns you into a hot mess! You loose all self respect and The love turns to hate and resentment even when he’s sober. I’m here for now but at least he knows how I feel. So the words are more harsh and hurtful. I hope this helps you! Just take care of yourself and ur child don’t let his addiction take u down with him. It’s true when they say “misery loves company” their not happy and your never going to be happy either! Prayers n hugs

this is the place to vent and get the frustration out. There are different levels (according to the books i've read) of alcoholics. the ones who are the 'worst' as far as ever getting sober are the functioning alcoholics. they do not see themselves as an addict because they 'have a job' 'support the family' etc.
my ah is also hf. what he chooses not to see is that we could be SO MUCH BETTER if he would just give up his beer!!!!! it came to a head when i had him start charging the expenses at the store. he did a side job and got paid cash so i had the store owner just take the beer money out of the money that was for the work. He was upset that his 'play money' had to actually go towards some bills. He saw the receipt and was like ... what this is not all mine ... i must have shot him a look to shut up because after reading off a few items he got quiet.
The mentality of these unfortunate souls with the weakness of spirit to fall into the addiction trap is one of a perpetual 12 year old. What is mine is mine what is yours is mine. I do not have to contribute to anything except my own interests.
My tools are his to use at anytime because he has none - the money was spent on alcohol before we got together. My house is his house to live in free of charge because he has no place to call home and now no income to even try to get a loan. My alcohol is his to drink and never replace it either. He will B!#$% about it the ENTIRE time he is drinking it. DUDE IF YOU DON"T LIKE MY CHOICES - READ THE LABEL AND DON"T DRINK IT!!!!! If you do drink it REPLACE IT. i don't drink yours but i am supposed to keep paying for yours so you can have play money? if you cannot pace yourself enough get help.
But that puts us back to square one that the functioning alcoholics do not think they need help. they are not fall down drunk so a life being perpetually buzzed is normal. a day of drinking 12, 15, 30 beer a day is normal.
At the and of the day or even the first moment of the day you have to draw the line and set boundaries. When he gets angry or verbally abusive - leave the room. do not engage - tell him you are not going to let yourself be treated this way and certainly do not want the child to think this is normal for a relationship.
You are in a safe space here and can always release the frustration, anger, sorrow here. We are here to listen because we are all in the same boat. We could not choose the person we fell in love with but we can choose how we are treated.