Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
New to this. Didn't find counselling helpful. Husband been in rehab and detox. Been to appropriate support groups. But just keeps relapsing. Been to support group today then got drunk this afternoon. Does the usual hiding/denying drinking. He is on anti depressants. I have supported and shouted at him in equal measure. Just wish he would die sometimes. Feel really guilty about that. He is pathetic in the proper sense of the word. He is a pensioner thank goodness my money is separate from his.
if he keeps relapsing it's because he's not ready to quit. He may be sort of trying, because you've asked, but he really doesn't want to give it up. He may never want to do the hard work to get sober. Have you thought about what if he never, ever gets sober, whether or not you would still want to be with him?
What can you do for yourself, to find peace? How can you get your life moving ahead, with or without him in it? It's really hard to disconnect ourselves from what the A's are currently doing. But it's essential for our own well-being. Is there a career, volunteer-work, travel or hobby that you have always dreamed of for yourself? Can you start taking tiny steps towards that?
Yes, thank goodness your money is separate. That's something that can give you options. You know, a separation doesn't have to be permanent. Have you considered moving out, just so you can have a clear head in moving forward in your own life? Sometimes, that's the wake-up call for our AH's, when they see us moving forward, and they're still stuck in their addictions.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. You deserve so much better. You deserve a life rich in joy. Take good care of you. Sending hugs and saying a prayer.
(I have to add, my AH not only will drink after an AA meeting, but he'll often show up at those meetings drunk. I think it's fairly common, with those who are not really committed to sobriety.)