My name is Lauren and I am new to this group. I am married to an alcoholic. He is the love of my life. I can't explain how wonderful things are when they are good. Up until November of '13 they were good an awful lot. I used to comment to my best friend that I get 359 good days a year, but dealt with the crazy binge for just one week. I met my husband right after his first stint in rehab, but during a relapse. I didn't know at the time he was an alcoholic. We were both unemployed and it seemed like a crazy vacation of drinking too much and getting to know one another. Then he shared his rehab journey with me and later suffered his second bout of pancreatitis. He was sober for a year after that. After his next relapse he was sober for another year. We trained for half marathons and marathons, lost a bunch of weight, worked out and had a great time together. We got engaged on Memorial Day weekend of '13. That November he started back slipping and hiding his drinking, lying. He would start and stop so it wasn't the day started and he drank until it ended, but there were a few of those in-between. He managed to stay employed, although I am sure he was also drinking at work. He was/still is in law school. He was the top of his class until this last semester. Last year on Valentines Day I picked my dude up for the second time that winter from the hospital fro m pancreatitis. He joined a program for lawyers/law students with addiction, had to check in for testing each day and was forced to attend AA after a month long intensive out patient program. He grudgingly did these things and was happy knowing I felt better. I suspected he was drinking here and there last year. Nothing crazy, but sometimes he smelled different. He stopped worrying about the alcohol content in his deodorant and vinegar throwing the response of his tests. He relapsed his bachelor party weekend, made more difficult by the position his brother put him in and then relapsed a little on our wedding night. He started having anxiety issues and was put on medication that ended up making him more manic. I push for him to see a cognitive behaviorist because the group scenario doesn't really work for his personality. I tell him the lying is hard for me to get past. I start over from scratch with him so much that I feel worn out. I read articles. I think about Al-anon, but like him, I am not religious and the meetings are even less convenient with their locations than AA.

So, why did I join last night? His crazy year now plus trip down the rabbit hole seems to have hit the peak of what he used to be like before we met. He fell asleep at a friend's house on Wednesday night. I do not believe he was drinking this night, but it has become part of this falling to sleep pattern that may be part of his adderol prescription/running out,etc. I'm not sure. Thursday night it took him 2 hours to get home from class and he admitted he had 2 drinks. Friday morning I kissed him good by and asked if he was going to be alright at work on Friday. He was certain he would be fine, that he wouldn't drink, etc. etc. After 1pm yesterday he was off the grid. I had my review at work, told him about it and he congratulated me. When I stopped hearing from him I finally stopped messaging him to see where he was. I've been getting into this habit of calling or texting when he should be home from somewhere and I don't hear from him. 6pm, 7pm...I decide to pretend I am single and go out to get a pizza and bottle of wine. I never drink at home. I rarely drink at all anymore to support his sobriety, but last night I had pizza and some wine, 8pm, 9pm I get a text. I'm ok. I respond asking if he is coming home and he says he is drunk, that the police brought him to the hospital. That he is trying to get out. I tell him to stay. That when he needs to come home to take a cab. i told him I saw he transferred all our shared checking over to his checking account. He said he was taking his money back, he loves me and for me to see what it is like paying for everything. We split it all down the middle, he gets paid one week, I get paid the next. I pay for his health insurance, it all evens out. I spend more from my personal account on our home of items since he transferred more over, but that is besides the point. IT was hurtful, I'll get over it. I don't message him back because I don't want to argue with a drunk man. I haven't heard form him since. This mooring I asked, where he is, how he is and when he will be home. Last week I had a long conversation with his mom to fill her in on what has been going on. I have friends to talk to, but the burden is now getting to be too much. I know they are there to listen and support me, but so much has happened. I love the man that he is when he is not drinking. I have been married for 4.5 months. We have been together for 4 years. In the grand scheme of time, this could be a challenge that at it's peak does not last forever. How long is too long? I suppose in your gut you know when you need to leave, but I suppose because we love we all give another chance, another chance. i travel some for work and used to be afraid to leave since it would give him the opportunity to drink, but honestly, he takes it no matter what. I can't protect him. His family all though that his love for me, that I was this positive force keeping him sober. I love my friends, I support my friends and I love my husband and I support my husband, but my good is starting to feel used up.
So, happy first valentines married to me! People keep asking me what we will do for our first married valentines, not like we celebrate extensively anyway, but I will be trying to locate my husband and calling my mother-in-law to cancel our brunch tomorrow. I would love to hear how you guys support, live, encourage recovery, if ti works, when it works, when it doesn't? My husband is not cruel, he doesn't say mean things to me, he doesn't attack my appearance or beat me. He snuggles on the couch while we watch tv and holds my hand at the movies.