Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I'm new to this group. I feel that I've cashed out my social support system lately with issues concerning my spouse, and I feel that i have no where left to turn. He was an alcoholic before I met him, and I knew it going into the marriage. Life has hit us hard. he hasn't handled the stress well. We have a daughter on the way, which has been our greatest blessing.
He says things he thinks but shouldn't say. Hurtful things that are unwarranted. He internalizes every word and every second of silence. Tonight was hard. I'm coming to a difficult point in my pregnancy, but still working 40 hours a week. After a hard day at work, I come home to him three sheets to the wind. Feeling pretty sick, and overall exhausted, I just wanted a relaxing evening. He's fired up from the liquor, and is angry at me for passively listening to the story he was telling me. "Fuck you don't talk to me" - his favorite sentence when he's drunk.
I have no words to get through to him anymore and he does not care. He tells me all the time. He struggles with depression and anxiety, he thinks the alcohol is a way of self medication.
Mostly tonight I just feel alone. My whole life I've dreamed of what it would be like to be pregnant, to be married, to be in love with someone. And every time I see that bottle hidden under the mattress I know that the day will bring me nothing but pain. He's the sweetest man when he's sober. But drinking whiskey to him is like pouring poison into his heart.
The family life I had always wanted, just never happened. It has made me very sad and resentful towards my AH for that, over the years. But what does keep me going, is knowing that I made great memories with and for my boys. We are very close. I know my AH cannot say the same. He is hardly ever around and when he is, he is very unavailable.
When he used to drink beer, I got to where I hated the sound of another beer being cracked open. Then it moved onto hating the sight of gatorade bottles, because he has been at the hiding alcohol stage for a very long time and would mix it with the gatorade. Now, because I am done caring about any of it anymore, it doesn't bother me like it used to.
I am deeply sorry and know the feelings you are going through. You have a place here to talk all you want about everything you are going through. God bless and take care of you and the unborn baby.
During all of this my AH would be passed out in our hospital room on pills, no help at all , our 6 year old there needing help to get food and I had to figure it out...rolling in my wheel chair to the cafeteria b/c I couldn't walk yet due to blood loss. Up around the clock pumping milk...horrible not having support. I look back and can't believe some of the s**t I have put up with.
He still doesn't realize what he has put me and our kids through. He still thinks he is a great husband/father, and that I am crazy. I have had to completely separate myself from him to be able to remain sane while living with him. I will not reconnect with him until he has a genuine breakthrough, humbled and truly realizing what his addiction has done. I don't know if that day will ever come.
It is a lonely life being married to an addict, I hope he can recover and realize, but for now I am trying to build myself back up. I am trying have my own life of peace and joy with no dependence on him for that. He still sucks it out of me when he is around, I haven't figured out how to stop that yet. but working on it. I hope you can find support here, I know I am!
I hope you find help here as it has helped me to just talk and learn from others!
Now I hear the beer cans opening and I just feel numb inside. He is amazing when he's sober but those days are becoming an extreme rarity.
We are all here for you. Sending you a hug.