Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I have been reading and gaining strength and insight from your posts for a while now. Thank you for sharing hard things.
I am married to an alcoholic....He had gone from functioning to not doing so great. Last summer underwent chemo for cancer and added his bourbon to the mix. He was a mess. Eventually he took a fall, suffered a traumatic brain injury and had to have his chemo treatments stopped. Since then he had been in the hospital several different times for falling. I would think he was having a stroke. Then gullible me would find out his blood slcohol level was .28 or .3. I felt stupid and naive, but I know now. He quit after his last hospital stay...Three weeks later he's drinking again. He smells, my house smells, his memory is shot...I am very detached. I care for him like I would an old uncle...But I am very lonely. Also it seems like I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop. It is a crazy way to live ....
I struggle looking at him as the love of my life any more, he is a wreck and only so many times you can forgive the lies, I don't feel the same. I'm more like care giver.
I am ALWAYS waiting for the next disaster. I just find him irritating these days.
I hope the next shoe doesn't drop for you, stay strong.
I've thought my AH has had a stroke, too, when all it was was terrible drunkenness. I believed him when he told me that he hadn't been drinking, or he didn't know why he fell and couldn't get up. We're normal, caring human beings, so we believe someone when they tell us they haven't been drinking. Our minds don't work the way an alcoholic mind works, so we just don't think of the real causes for their falls, etc. I am now trying to just always see what AH does or says through the alcoholic filter. I mean, that if he's condescending or caught in a lie or has "medical" issues, I, now, just tell myself that it must be somehow related to being drunk, or drinking, and I advise him to talk with his doctor.
Yes, like an old uncle. That about describes it. An old uncle that I don't like visiting. I don't have any hope at all that my AH will stop drinking. I think when they've been drinking for a long time that quitting is too huge a hurdle to overcome. They can't handle emotional stuff sober. The longer they drink, the smaller the thing needs to be, for them to "need" a drink.
Do something really nice for yourself today. Sending a virtual hug.