don't know where to start...I have stage 4 cancer...I had it when we met in 2005, and have been fortunate to still be surviving it, but am going downhill.  I had to be pulled from work 4 years ago because of the cancer.  I have targeted chemo that stops the cancer from turning into tumors. I also had a radical hysterctomy at 38 as well as metastisis of my cancer. I met him and it was 3 days before I found out the cancer was back as a tumor.  I got through all of that by myself.  He was a new person in my life. I used to drink socially, but the last bunch of times I had drank, I noticed it made me angry, so I stopped.  He has gotten worse, am pretty sure he has had affairs.  I read a whole bunch of "How to tell when your husband hates you" and they nailed it.  He drank 24 beers to spite me and told me about it after.  I was in my car going to go home from the drunk camping trip, he pulls me out by one arm, he had a beer in the other.  I should also mention that sometimes I can't walk. Most of the time I am fine, but when stressed I can't eat, get weak and fall.  He is literally killing me.  I can't even say thank you the right way.  Every time he responds to "anything" to me, it's with a snear and disgust.  He tells everyone how much he takes care of the cancer wife.  Then his drunk brother who has a doctorate but cant hold a dishwashing job gave out my unpublished number to the person who is the reason I had it unpublished, then calls back and leaves a message and calls her family...what the fuck am I?  My parents died with 3 months of each other...the first one month after my initial diagnosis.  I have done this cancer b.s. alone and all he does is drink and yell.  a couple of beers is not an 12-18 pack during the week, and cases during the weekend.  It's not hard stuff but its just as bad and drunks make bad decisions.  I cant take this and I have nothing...Ive been sick so long everyone didnt know what to say, so they stopped and I stopped being the one to always call and get dodged...I am so fucked...health insurance a place to live...living...he takes food home from his place of employment, and I have no idea what he spends his money on.  Everything is one big ass secret...everything.  He told me he hated my guts through clenched teeth a few weeks back, and tells me everything I do wrong.  No one calls me anymore...no one can visit because I'm to weak to clean and it's a drunks house...I sit in filth all day...lonely...only to get yelled at when he gets home...I honestly feel lower than a dog that get kicked...I'm absolutely devestated...