Ugh! I am so sorry he did that. I hope you nailed the interview and get the job!

My husband had been sober for a while now (9 months) but, was a professional at this behavior when he was drinking- stealing the spotlight, having a day where I should have been really proud of myself become overshadowed with the cloud of "and my husband wasn't a part of it" or "And my husband was too drunk to remember any of it" or "And my husband did X and it was mortifying... and he likely won't remember it and/ or argue with me that it was somehow an appropriate thing to do."

A really good friend of mine said to me recently, when my husband had let me down (not by drinking) "Your significant other should want you to shine." I really liked that. They should! When it's my husband's time in the spotlight I want to be the one casting the light as brightly in his direction saying "Yeah, that's him!" and I want him to do the same. Honestly, he's still working on this, despite doing a lot better.

I don't understand why they do this, with my husband anyway, it often felt intentional since I'd tell him when something significant for me was coming- and he'd be sober and then the night before or the day of, suddenly he'd go on a binge and make my special day really stressful and miserable. Then, like your husband, wonder why I'm mad at him and don't want to talk about the accomplishment with him. He would even get mad at me if I talked to a friend about it before him! Yes, when he was drunk and missed the event, he'd get upset that I talked to someone else about it. What? It did start to feel like I was just providing him a place to drink, a stable place for him to not be stable.... I was the stability in his really sick life.

I'm really sorry he stole your time to shine. I wish I had some good advice on this but, I don't. It was completely impossible for my husband to understand why I'd get so upset by this when he was drinking- it's a little easier now that he's not but, like I just said, he still is learning to key into important events for me and what I expect from him. It's hit or miss now, but, better than nothing.

So sorry he let you down, this is possibly the thing that sticks with me the most- those times he took my spotlight away. *hugs*

Thank you, your so right. I remember the day before my nans funeral he went on a binge, it was such a stressful time and I couldn't believe he could be so selfish. Sobered up the day before, same with my mums 60th, organised a surprise weekend away with all if us, he went on a week long binge beforehand was suffering the whole weekend.
I just don't understand, it's almost as if they test our limits, how far can I push her this time!!
I feel like I never get to share anything with him because he takes it or "uses it as an excuse to drink".
Being married to an alcoholic means you don't get the same support out of your partner as you would of deserve to get if they weren't an addict.
I've learnt that the hard way.

Sadly alcoholics do not care about us. They only recognise us if we say something with alcohol in it.

I too have preferred for him to celebrate with me. It used to upset me where now it is like it is what it is.

I can do with his support so much now. Am I getting it no. I am left to my own sadness. It is a shame.

It's such a shame, he didn't sign up for a part time relationship and I'm really getting fed up with being used because that's I how I feel. I'm here when you need me or when you're sorry or need to borrow money or want to be sober and be part of the relationship again. It makes me laugh that when he is drinking he says "Oh it's always about you, what you want" but it's the complete opposite!!! It's NEVER EVER about us or what we want.
It's crazy how much alcohol distorts their view on the world

Yup...seems like they all are inclined to be MIA when you need their love or support. My AH has been absent either emotionally or physically from so many important moments in mine or my kids lives that it makes my head spin. I don't even expect him to be there anymore. It's sad. I am so sorry that your husband wasn't there to cheer you on...I hope that you get the job. You should be happy and proud of yourself!

I'm sorry this happened...I know exactly what you mean. Alcohol seems to always be on their mind even when we don't know it. They're always planning on when or how they're going to get their next "fix". For me it seems like my AH does it for very important moments also..I dread the holidays because he drinks way more than usual killing the spirit for me to enjoy the holidays..or whenever I need him the most really...I just took the advise that another woman on here gave..and that was to disattatch myself from him emotionally. Dont emotionally rely on him because it ultimately leads to disappointment. That was the best advise because it works for me. When he is sober for a couple days I do appreciate it when he is there but when hes not I wasnt counting on it anyway. It sucks to think this way but you have to focus on yourself