So after 30 years of marriage to my alcoholic he's been having some health issues that seems to have scared him some. I've prayed for this time after time... The day that he would stop drinking. I read post on here where the AH has stopped drinking, well this has never happened in our marriage at least not this long as he's going on 2 weeks now. Yes, he's been to a facility a few times earlier in out marraige but bragged that he knew what to say to the Doctor and after released he would be right back to drinking. He's a good man sober, a good provider our whole marriage. For years i've walked around on egg shells and keeping peace with out family just to make life easier. I'm at the point in my life and have worked up the nerve to tell him just how I feel about him.... Yes I love this man, after so long of my life being their with him how could I not love him. But IN LOVE with this man??? NO, I really don't think I am anymore. It's taken me so long to realize that i've been living this pretend life fantasizing on having a normal relationship. I know deep down that their will never be normal in our relationship. As happy as I want to be for him for not drinking all I can do is keep my guard up and try not to say anything that may set him off to drink because I know he will throw that in my face that I wasn't there for him so why should he stop! 

What do I do? Do I pretend to be happy? it's so much easier when he's drinking and i'm pissed to tell him that I don't love or want him!  But right now he's this nice little puppy dog that has no clue what he's done to me, no clue of the hurtful words and the broken heart. It's so much harder to forget....