Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Wow I've been a member since 2012 and this is my first journal entry. I read your stories and feel like you are all talking about my life. I've been married to my AH for close to 20 years. He's been an addict on one thing or another the whole time. We've had financially highs and extreme lows. While I know he's a good man at heart he's a narcissistic self absorbed sob 90% of the time. Everything's my fault and how dare I question his daily activities or lack thereof. 3 years ago I got him into rehab and then took him back after he spent two months out on his own. I really wanted to believe that he changed or could change. I think he was drinking the day came home just hiding it better. Things hit rock bottom couple weeks ago as I got home from a business trip and my adult son was extremely upset because his dad does nothing but drink sleep and bitches about me and I wasn't even home!! I was traveling for work. So I made the choice to have an intervention. We got him into rehab and I've taken steps I talking to a lawyer about a divorce or disillusionment and I am talking to a therapist and so are our kids and I let my AH know that I'm filing for a divorce and he's no longer welcome home. While he can try to fight me I'm hoping and praying that he can stay sober long enough to agree to the terms and understand that the reason we are in this position in the first place. Thank you all so much for being there you've helped me more than you'll ever know. We all deserve happiness sending prayers and peace to everyone.
From the one you love..That to me is the hardest part
Anger. He returned home from his last stint in rehab (his second) and even though I wrote him a letter while he was in there explaining I wanted a divorce and why I've had to deal with the constant almost daily conversations/arguments. I was hoping he'd agree to a disillusionment because there really is very little property and money. Just about 30k is equity in our home but do much debt and my lawyer said I make too much money to file bankruptcy. I just asked for the house and even waved child support for our 13 year old. Was willing to let him take anything he wanted from the house and I would keep the debt. He's nuts that he thinks he's get a better deal. Anyway he's begging and pleading for me to reconsider. "how could I throw away 20 years of marriage and what I am doing to our kids.... He won't leave. He has his parents willing to pay a lawyer to "fight" me and actually thinks he'll win and I will be the one to leave??!!!! I even said if he didn't drink and agreed to the disillusionment he could stay 5 months to get a job and save money. Ya he's said Im the messed one for not standing by him and our kids will hate me. He's ready to fight. Ugh yesterday he told our 13yr old boy that I was making him leave because I didn't love him. He's using our 13 year old. I cried and cried.explained at all 4 of our kid that we were gettin a divorce because it is what I feel is best for everyone and that we both love them all very much. My older kids 100%understand why I'm doing this. And even though I don't talk about details they know and understand. I asked them to help our youngest and be there for him because he's been manipulated and I'm scared and don't want to add to it by emploding my view on to him. He's just a boy. Hard hard times. Thank you all for allowing me to vent and for your support. I truly feel so many of our stories are very much alike.
You've already given him 20 years. Don't give him 5 more months to guilt you into letting him stay. He won't change and he won't get better.
Nine months ago, I evicted my alcoholic boyfriend. He was served papers and everything. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get him out of my house. I'm so happy with my decision and I would encourage 99.9% of the wives on this forum to dump their AH sooner rather than later. Don't let the AH dig their heels in any deeper.