Hello friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a horrible selfish disease they have. My AH and I have been married over 8 years and it’s been a constant battle. It has been a constant rollercoaster of some of the greatest times of my life and the very worst times. I’ve threatened to leave more times than I can remember. I actually left back in December and was gone for a few weeks. And then he made me all the same empty promises that he always does. After being sober for about six weeks he fell off the wagon. And now it’s been about seven weeks of his constant drinking and partying and not coming home. Last week was the last straw. And he decided that it was time for me to leave. So Monday my two small kids and I moved out. He wants the kids to come over tomorrow to visit him but it’s so hard for me to even think of letting him have them without me there to supervise! He has NEVER had them alone! Ever. I do everything for these kids. Not to mention the fact that ever Sunday is spent just me and my kids doing something on our own while he sleeps off his hangover! What makes him think that he should get them?! Ugh. Sorry for the rant lol. I feel like there are alcoholics out there that realize they have a problem. And they don’t want to be that way and they change. But I feel like people like mun AH are totally happy with their loser lives. They enjoy the misery. And I think he even enjoyed fighting with me. I feel like me leaving was inevitable. I feel like if I didn’t leave this week i would leave at some point in the future. It’s not a life living with an alcoholic. It’s miserable. I’ve developed depression, anxiety, I have ptsd from him coming home drunk and being crazy! It’s horrible. I know you love your AH but my advice to you is to get out. I’ve been happier this week and slept better than I have in years! I left behind a beautiful house that we just bought, we had land and a little farm that I loved and had always dreamed of having. But none of it is worth the misery of living with an alcoholic. Stay strong whatever you decide to do. It’s a rough battle daily with an AH. Hang in there. Hugs to you my friend!

I definitely relate to your pain. I was in a similar situation with my AH. We didn't talk, weren't intimate, fought all the time. I was angrier by the day with the situation. It finally exploded and got real ugly. He left last week. We finally sat down and talked this weekend. Despite everything, my AH and I love each other very much. He said he realized he cannot be with me and continue to drink. He wants to go to treatment. (Praise GOD!) I wish I could have talked with my husband about the effects of his drinking before it got nasty. Not talking and keeping it bottled up makes the situation much, much worse. We have decided to start our road to healing. We are determined that together, we are going to get better. Both of us.
First, it would be wise to do some soul-searching and decide if you still love him. Would you still want him if he were able to get help? That will help you decide your next move. If you love him, try to talk to him. When I finally talked to my husband, I wrote him a letter because I didn't know if he would allow me to say everything that needed to be said. I told him factually how his drinking affected me and our relationship and family. I did not place blame or try to shame him, I was very honest and kept the focus on the main problem: drinking. He's done a lot of things that aren't right but I believe the reason he's done those things comes back to drinking. My goal was not to list every grievance against him but to make him understand the pain his drinking is causing and most importantly, that I can no longer live with it. My AH is a good man when he's sober. Alcohol turns him into another person entirely.
Your AH probably carries on as if you've said nothing when you tell him you're going to leave because he doesn't believe you will. It's never a good idea to say it unless you mean it. It weakens your credibility. If you decide you cannot live with the way things are, make a plan about what you're going to do about it.
I hope you are able to get some relief and peace soon. Living in that kind of pain can be unbearable at times. Remember: you are stronger than you think you are!