I'm so sorry that you are going through this struggle. I know all too well everything you are experiencing. I was married to an alcoholic and when things were good they were really good. We had a great bond and could share and talk about anything. I felt supported and like I had a bond with my husband as I should have. It all changed when he was drinking and after a while I shrunk away from all the things in life that I was involved in that made me happy because I was so depressed, lost, sad, disappointed about what was going on in life. I began to realize I was living my life to support him and make sure he was ok. I lost myself in it trying to make it work. The realization I came to..... and it took me a very, very long time to realize it....was that he had to want to face his demons and I couldn't do it for him. I was terrified because I knew what could be. In the end the alcohol won. I know that he did love me and wanted to make things work and have the happy life we had planned, but he just couldn't get the strength or courage up to face his issues. I would suggest you try to go to an alanon meeting. I went for a time and it really helped me to realize that I wasn't alone and it had nothing to do with me, my actions, his love for me, or any other painful justification that we make that reflects on us. Alcoholism is an illness. The problem is that if the alcoholic isn't willing or able to put in the hard work it will never get resolved. I will tell you first to be gentle with yourself. Journal about your thoughts and feelings - write down the reasons you're angry, sad, disappointed. Maybe make a list of the positives and negatives of your relationship. Make a list of what life could look like if you weren't having to deal with this turmoil. No one can tell you what to do. That is a decision that you have to make. During the worst time for me I sought support of family and friends and they truly were able to listen and support me. I told them I just needed them to listen and I didn't need for them to criticize him or me while I figured out what was best for me. In the end I filed for divorce and we did try counseling but he just wasn't willing to get help for his problem. I realize I contributed in negative ways to our failed relationship but I didn't fail in trying to help him and his continuing to drink was not because of anything I did or didn't do. I can forgive myself for any guilt I felt for making the right decision for me to take back my life and take positive actions to make life happier, more peaceful and joyful for me. Some people are able to do that and stay with their alcoholic. For me it wasn't something I was able to do. Please do seek the support of someone you trust that is willing to listen with no judgement as you figure out what is best for you and your child. I hope for you to get some peace and clarity during this time. This is a great support group and everyone here knows what you are going through regardless of if their situation isn't exactly like yours. Be gentle with you. Hugs