I have been with my AH for 8 years his drinking only started 3 years ago, I dont know when as my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer at the same time. I have been busy trying to keep myself together and doing the bare minimum to keep my job. Over the last 3 years there were many days he would be drunk at 8am and stay drunk all day, he would skip days of work because he was "tired" I can no longer tell if he is actually tired or if he has been drinking. Our daughter came to me about 6 months ago and asked if I was aware he was a closet alcoholic. So I started paying more attention and realized that almost every day he is drunk by 4pm, he says his stress if over a lot of work issues, however, he seems to get drunk even on family outings or vacations when he is relaxed.
He told me a few months ago that he believes he is an alcoholic and wanted to go into a treatment program but there is always a reason as to why he cant start. He says we need the money he makes but it really wouldnt matter if he was gone for 30 or 60 days since he spends most of his days drinking or drunk anyway. He does drink while at work too, and at least two people have confronted him about it. He was embarrassed but continues to do it. He has also said he wants to go to AA with a friend of ours but I asked him today and he said he is no longer interested.
Last week he said he feels that he has the right to abuse alcohol for all that has happened to him in is life and the current stress. I believe his drinking started because he was never taught how to handle stress or everyday crap that happens. He uses it as a way to not think about it. The irony there is when he drinks he becomes a complete jerk and only nasty and negative things come out of his mouth. The stress amplifies and he knows it. He has said he is turning into a narcissist alcoholic just like everyone else we know with a problem.
He has asked me to actually say to him that I know he has been drinking to help him, but when I do he says I'm wrong and he hasn't had anything. I find myself hiding from going home and waiting for him to go to bed to pass out before I even think about going to bed, but then the entire room smells like a bar!
He doesn't even ask for sex when he has been drinking since he understands that I would not be interested and that he smells.
He can easily drink 750ml of hard stuff in 1 maybe 2 days. Then go a week before he gets more.
We have a family together, a complete life built that requires both of us. We both hate him when he is drunk and I am so grateful when he is not, then I am devastated when I smell it in the house or on him. If this continues we will not only be unemployed as we own a business together we will be homeless. I can barley do what I need to do on a daily basis with my own family and health issues, not to mention try to take up the slack he is leaving me.
I am thinking about slowly moving important items out of the house so if it comes down to it I can leave easily.
Is there any hope that I will have the man I married back ever????? Is this just a down hill spiral that will eventually leave me so broken from the cruelty and the betrayal.
I don't know where else to turn, I can talk to him while he is sober but as soon as he starts drinking everything I said comes back against me. I feel so alone and dont know what I can do to get myself through this let alone how I deal with him so I am not condescending or enabling.