Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Laura82 02/26/2018

i am Looking for support because i feel lost and alone and don’t know what to do. My AH problem has been going on for a while, longer than i have know about it. Things started to get bad when i was pregnant with my 1st. He was hiding alcohol, drinking to black outs. Always the same, he would apologize and say he wouldn’t do again and then he would. It continues to get worse. He convinced me for a while he was better, he just got better at hiding it. Now i am pregnant again, which i never would have if i had known what was really going on. I feel so stupid for believing things were better and for dragging another child into this.

After one of our last big fights. He was blacked out and started getting really aggressive where i almost called the police, i was so scared. He finally went to MD and got naltrexone. Things were better for a while till he stopped taking it but he didn’t tell me.

When i ask him why he drinks he blames stress, his job and the family. He wanted kids and was the one who pushed me to have them. The worst is when i catch him he denies it. I will taste his drink and he claims there is no alcohol and acts like i am crazy for saying there is. I have to search and find bottles all over. the last time i found one he said our toddler must have hidden it.

i am so tired of this cycle of him drinking, then promising to stop, then lying about it. I feel like i should leave but i am scared, especially being pregnant. We tried couples counseling for 6 months but he would just say everything the therapist wanted to hear and then when we got home continued to drink. I don’t know what to do and i feel so ashamed i don’t know who to talk to. I am so tired of doing 90% of the housework/childcare, working full time and taking care of him, so he can “de-stress” and won’t drink (which he does anyway). I am burned out.

Catsden 02/27/2018

You can't change him if he doesn't want to change. Nagging will only cause you grief, I know it is hard. I lived with an alcoholic for too long and wasted good years hoping he would get better. It just got worse.

hopingforbettertimes33 02/28/2018

I feel for you. I agree with Catsden. He won't change unless he wants to. Unfortunately, the cycle just keeps repeating itself. My boyfriend has been drinking for two years now and I feel like it has been an eternity. Don't know how everyone is so strong dealing with it for years. He lies to me as well. It seems that the whole relationship is always centered around them, their needs, their need to drink, etc....Sometimes I think, what about me and my needs? I am always focused on his needs and trying to make him better. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

Salzburg 03/05/2018

Do not be ashamed. You have done nothing wrong. Square your shoulders and stand strong. You are in an extremely difficult situation. Get yourself your own counselor and trust your truth. Be strong for your children. Give yourself time to decide what to do next. You are kind, strong, and brave.

Pennygirl 03/11/2018

I know where you are at. His hiding achohol and lying about it is a pretty standard. All achoholics do this. They like to make you feel like you are the crazy one. be strong. I have given up talking to talkor fight with my AH when he is under the i fluency which seems to be quite often. They are not in their right mind when they drink and whatever they say can be hurtful, so ignore it. You must detach yourself when he is like this and start living your life. Get up every morning and be happy. By giving in and ruining your days with worry it is just enabling him. Nothing you can say or do will make him stop drinking. Letting him know he doesn’t have control over you might shake him up. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy your children and your life. We are always stronger than we think we are.

Laura82 03/12/2018

Thank you all for the kind words and support. I needed this.

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