What is a normal marriage? Would I know it, if I found it? My husband and I have been together since I was 17 years old. Twenty-two years later and three kids and things are so unstable! He is away from home on another binge! Trying to figure out how to end it. I don't want a divorce, but I know it is heading that way. Trying to figure out how to afford it??? Where to start - even if I went through with it. Asking myself, "how did I get here?" I hate loving someone that you have been with for soooo long, but hating their behavior and even a part of them. I hate my behavior! He couldn't stay sober and I am bitter over everything! I have to be responsible for everything and it has not made a difference if I let things go - he still won't take care of things. The smell of beer, the sound of an opening beer can, the drunk husband, the financial problems that drinking is causing, the staying away from home for 2-12 days, the lack of responsibility, the lack of a good sexual and emotional connection are weighing on me! I feel lonely even when he is here. I am feeling guilty for my lack of trying in my marriage. I feel beaten down and tired!!! The sad thing is.... I know that even if I get a divorce that I won't get any help from him! Looks like a long road no matter which way I go! I guess one road might have a little more peace - eventually???