When I met my AH I too thought I had finally found the "One" I had been waiting for my whole life. We clicked from the day we met and had instant chemistry. Like we had known each other forever. I.knew he drank but at the time it seemed like typical weekend drinking with friends or having a couple of beers to relax. Now the alcohol.is the main event every weekend, the friends are gone and I too am a lonely wife wondering how things went so wrong. Seems like the alcohol has a stranglehold on him that nothing can break. He is committed to it and just tolerates my complaining about it
His attitude is go ahead and bitch about my drinking but I am going to do whatever I want.

Can't believe that what was once such a close passionate relationship has dissolved into this
Feels like we are just roommates sharing a house and the bills and that his real love is the euphoria he gets from booze. It is like Groundhog Day. Watched my dad to the same thing to my mom. He died at 58 years old from alcoholism :(

I went to a counsellor last year because I had made myself ill trying to stop him binge drinking and to "want" to be in our marriage. After talking to her a few times, telling her my fears and how his drunking was affecting our lives she said, "how would you feel if he died" I was shocked and said heartbroken, devastated, she then asked me if a small part of me would feel free. I had to agree. She said "you spend your life being heartbroken and devasted about something that will eventually happen, he is killing himself and you are making yourself ill trying to stop him". She then said this, "if you stay, he dies, if you leave he dies, by torturing yourself with thoughts of if I stay he won't die is a lie".
I had never had it said in such brutal but simple reality.
I read something online once about a lady who had lived with her AH for 30+ years and he died, one day she went into the bathroom for something and remembered one of the good times they shared and she cried and cried. She then said after a while she stopped because all though she missed him terribly she no longer had to watch him killing himself or the mess he created, the being shouted at at 3am on a Wednesday morning when she had to go to work, the constant feeling of anxiety and treading on eggshells. Nor would she ever worry about him again, she was free form that daily torment.
I guess the point I'm trying to make and very much the place I'm at now is I'm choosing to live the life I am at the moment, it's my choice. One day I will be brave enough to let the words of my counsellor sink in and will move on.
We are all strong women that have the biggest hearts but we are also entitled to be happy and loved. We are entitled to be free from alcoholism and I pray that we all find that peace and happiness we deserve.

Unfortunately, I too thought my alcoholic other was the one for me. He was the first to treat me how a woman should be in the dating stages.

I am currently not talking to him after he blames me for us not moving home. When I busted my ass viewing many properties. I feel very depressed it gets worser with alcoholics. I am done with talking to him.

Thank you Sll82 for the brutal honesty. I guess I have just hung on to that slim hope that someday he would want to quit drinking and get into recovery, I so envy women whose husbands have gone to AA, stuck with it and gotten better.
Alcoholism is a horrible life for everyone affected even the alcoholic. Like so many others have posted, he is the greatest guy when sober but turns into someone I can't stand when drinking. Just an absolute jerk. Yells at me, says mean nasty things, and picks fights over nothing. And I never know when it is going to happen. He has had some serious health issues in the past few years so deep down I know I will stick with him to the end. I have thought about going to an Extended Stay Hotel for a while on really bad nights but have yet to do that. No physical violence, just verbal abuse. I can't bring myself to tell him I am leaving him, we have to sell the house and split everything up. Just the thought of it overwhelms me and seems like a worse option that what I am dealing with.

This site really helps with the need to vent, Getting my thoughts on a screen in front of me and knowing they are going out into a non-judgmental understanding group takes away some of the pain. Thank you all for being there.