Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
when he was drinking, it was lonely because he was drunk and unavailable. Now it's lonely because he is always at a meeting. Does it ever actually get better? I have other outside interests and a good job and friends. But I want a husband. Does anyone know what I mean?
harrisbaby
I know what you mean about the loneliness not only because they aren't available when they have been drinking but also because my AH has been in and out of rehab and hospitals. Right now he won't go to meetings. the alcoholism is keeping us apart in many ways. I pray for me and you that our AHs will be released from this bondage.
peggsu2
I suggest that you attend Alanon or some program of your own. Alcoholism is a family disease. Why be lonely when you can experience growth yourself?
bluesprite72
Yes I understand, you want a healthy, normal marriage. But I'm not sure we can have these things if this has been a long standing problem. Look at his history. Has he had a problem since he was young? Does he take responsibility for his actions and make changes appropriately, when he is sober? Does he get the psychological help he really needs to get at the root cause of his drinking?
Jen77
I understand the loneliness. I'm hoping for sunnier days ahead too!
Lmc
I COMPLETELY understand the loneliness. Alanon is certainly worth a try, but the bottom line is that the AH becomes selfish in the form of sobriety, My AH has been sober 9 years and has never had a relapse, which is amazing. However, he spends a lot of time on his own self help and what we have left of our marriage (25 years) is hardly recognizable. Everything changes with sobriety. Alanon can help you feel camaraderie with other spouses, but it doesn't fix the loss your feeling.
bluesprite72
Really, they have always been selfish, whether drinking or not. When mine got sober, he had to feel his free time with other things, other than spending time with the boys and I, rebuilding relationships. They call it being a dry drunk, they just replace the addiction to alcohol with other things. Mine wanted things to just instantly be great, when he stopped drinking, forget all the hurt he had caused in the past, and move on with life. But I wasn't ready for that. I needed to heal and to see and feel that he was truly remorseful of all the damage he had done. That never happened. Instead, he got tired of waiting around for things to be great, and filled his time with other things. All the while, I was at home with two kids, trying to heal and take care of the kids and the home, by myself. Very lonely.
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