Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I'm back and it didn't take long. My AH has been working the program and has been sober and super nice and loving. He's been really good to me and has been a good parent to our kids. Making sure they have respect for me and actually feeling bad that he's let things spiral out of control. I had hope. I thought maybe this could be it. The end of this hell of a marriage with an AH. He's been himself, but his still so hyper active were he doesn't know what to do with himself. He has to work out once a day and goes to a meeting in order to shack off the urge to drink.
With my kids busy schedule with school and sports I'm barely managing to get through each day on my own. No one knows of our problems and my AH sickness. I hide it with a smile to the world and my kids. I give excuses for everything! I've become the best later even I've forgotten my own truth. Every missed birthday, game, or dinner. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, and I have absolutely no more sick leave I can take to rest and find time for myself. I've given everything to a man who's sickness won't allow him to give back.
He fell off the wagon last night because of a small argument. How are we supposed to have a marriage and agree to disagree about anything if I have to keep my mouth shut and suck it up in fear he may pick up a bottle. I couldn't believe it! I was so angry I just wanted to lash out, but I held it together knowing he would just get worse. He wool me up 20 till midnight looking for his wallet. I had no idea were it was at. He prob lost it when he went to buy his 1st drink. He told me to take him for more liquor so I did only because he would drive his drunk as there if I hadn't. This is just not working for me! So here we go again the same sh*t!
Im so torn because he said he needs a 30 day rehab out of state and can't do this on his own, but how do we pay the bills and the house if he needs medical attention for a whole month. This just adds to my stress. My biggest fear is him not recovering even after a rebab. Then what?!
This sounds like a very dire situation. You shouldn't have to live in secret with this burden. It is hard enough to be a mom and wife in a normal state. But of course, we don't have normal marriages. Don't make excuses for him anymore, to others or to yourself. Focus on yourself and the kids. It is hard enough to just get through a day sometimes, making sure the kids are fed and off to school. Don't worry yourself with what your man-child is choosing to do with his life.
Maybe let him go to the rehab and use that time to really re-evaluate your situation and if this is the way you want to be living your life.
I second what bluesprite said about how a 30-day rehab would be good for you. For one thing, your AH would be somewhere safe, where someone else was looking after him, and you could then focus on just you and your kids. And you may come to your own conclusion about what you want next for yourself, what you're willing to tolerate, and what you're not, and begin plans for how to make the future that you want.
Sending hugs and prayers.