Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Killing me slowly

Sunshine76
Sunshine76

I'm trying to stay, but it's so hard. Been married 19 years, 3 kids. He started drinking almost 10 years ago. I hate what it has done to my marriage and my husband. It started as a way to relax and have fun with a couple friends then grew to helping deal with fathers death and then brothers. Then about drinking to get drunk and have no reasons or for any reason at all. My marriage has suffered in every possible way you can think of. I suffer in everyway. I feel like a loser and failure at everything. His neglect has taken my self esteem and confidence. The lies and betrayal is still apart of my everyday and seems to haunt me. I can't move forward because I stay in this life and drags me to the past. He says he will stop all the time but never does. He knows the pain it has caused me and the girls. He knows how i hate it. How my father is and AH and I hate him because of it. He only seems to care on the days he doesn't drink because he's hung over and stomach is in pain. But the next day he is back at it. I love this man but he is killing me slowly.

Leigh214
Leigh214
Wow! This sounds all too familiar. My husband drinks throughout the entire weekend and then is recovering on Monday. He can’t eat and is constantly coughing and throwing up. Then it starts all over the next weekend. I feel things just keep getting worse no matter what I do. I want to leave, but can’t afford to right now. Throughout the weekend, he’s either drinking, sleeping, or putting me down. I know I don’t deserve this and I know that what he says isn’t true, but it still makes me feel depressed. It’s even embarrassing having to go to family functions because I have to monitor how much he drinks so that my family doesn’t see what I’m dealing with. Have you ever been to a support group? I’m thinking about trying one to see if it helps me feel more confident about myself.
Sunshine76
Sunshine76
No I've never been to one. I imagine I should though. I've tried counseling to help me feel better about myself and that didn't last to long, hubby kept accusing me of cheating when I was gone. Yes family affairs are awful for me also. I lost it on Christmas eve in front of my kids and some family because he was drinking to much to early and mixing hard stuff with beer. It makes him angry and I didn't want to deal with that. I'm tired of covering for him and him not supporting me and being there for me. Today is the 3rd anniversary of his DUI. So I'm not feeling very well, thinking about it hurts. People keep saying it has nothing to do with me. That he is the one it affected because he was the one put in jail and was on probation. But it does affect me in many ways and I'm still dealing with the aftermath financially with almost triple the insurance payment monthly, emotionally, physically it's cause my anxiety and depression worse..and so much more. Guess I'm just in a mood today.