My AH had gone to rehab about 2 months ago and i was so happy that he finally took that step. If he continued much longer I know he would have ended up in the hospital. It was to the point where he wasn't even eating or bathing, just drinking, I was so worried he would get alcohol poisoning and one day while I was work something would happen and I wouldn't be there. Finally he went to rehab and he actually stayed the full 30 days which I was worried after getting over the first hump of getting sober he'd want to leave. He did great in there and I could tell he really wanted to learn. He started a new job shortly after getting out which takes him out of town for 7-10 days at a time. It's been good because he has a healthy routine there and none of the triggers like he does when he's home. With his odd schedule of being in and out of town, I noticed he wasn't keeping up with "maintenance" and attending meetings or meeting up with sponsor very often. 2 weeks ago, right at his 60 day sobriety, he fell off the wagon. The next day he had to go to work and I was terrified it would continue there. He actually stayed sober and I was so proud and relieved, he said he understood that he really did need to keep up with meetings. Sure enough a day after he gets home this past week he is back off the wagon, and this time worse. He's been drunk for 5 days now and has to go back to work tomorrow for 10 days. I don't know if he can pick himself back up this time, it's like the past 60 days never happened and is back to his bad drinking, passed out most of the time I'm home and waking me up in the middle of the night because he wakes up again to start drinking. I don't know what to do to really help, although I know I can't really do the work for him, he has to want to get back on the wagon.

i'm just so terrified it's going to carry over to his job, and it'll be another job lost. I realized this week while he's been drunk that I just don't think i can go backwards again. These past few months I feel like i've been getting healthier too...I hardly ever drink (not that I had a problem like his, but often used it as a coping mechanism at times), I now work out regularly and have lost some weight, and just don't have the same emotional baggage since not having to deal with a fall out everyday since he's been sober. I love him so much, and it kills me say, but I don't know that I can do this again. Its been years of an emotional roller-coaster and just as I started getting used to some stability, I realized that the resentment, frustration, and anger is just beneath the surface since he's been drunk all week. I've found myself having to leave at times to get some air to keep my composure because inside I feel like I'm screaming.

This is probably more so just venting. But i just find myself scared that if he doesn't get it together tomorrow for work and really put the work into getting back on the wagon, that I'm going to be right back to where we were and I don't think I can do it again, no matter how much i love him. It's hard to accept that you can't really do anything...

thanks for listening.