practically single mom-
So sorry to hear this :(
I'm am struggling with the same
We could talk multiple times through out the day and he will tell me he ll be home about 5. Everything is normal and I feel it's a good day then I make supper and wait and wait. No show! Hmm no phone call or text to say running late. Hours pass and at 11 at night I get call to come pick him up at pub. Beyond drunk actually disgustingly drunk
Where does the path turn ?
Why the change so fast of plans ?
I don't understand either!
I try so hard to look at every angle and come up with nothing other than they are self centred narississts who feel no empathy for anyone !
I have broken it off multiple times too
We have been apart for 4 days currently and its peaceful without him around but he hasn't stopped with the pity trips and poor me u don't understand me crap
I asked him today if I did the same and never showed up and never answered my phone … would it upset u?
His response u blow everything out of proportion I'm not a puppet !!
Don't tell me ur coming home if your not is my thought!
I'm totally frustrated constantly

My counsellor once said to me what if you changed your expectations? She talked about having a bad relationship with her own dad and dreading going home for Christmas, her counsellor, at the time, asked her from a scale of 1-10 (one being the worst) what did she expect Christmas would be like, she said a 3. The counsellor then suggested she go home expecting a 3, not a 10. While I completely get that in a normal family (we don't have one b/c of the addiction), a spouse should expect their partner to come home, and not be stinking drunk, but b/c they are alcoholics what if we just expected this was what they will do. Unless they are actively treating their addiction, they can not control it, it controls them. Mine went to treatment, I foolishly thought, we're home free. Wrong he started drinking right away, and I sunk into a deep depression. My expectations didn't match the reality of the situation. Addiction is all consuming, and we cling to any hope they will change their ways. As they say this is the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. The only person we have control over is us, and I'm getting off this roller coaster ride. I'm so sorry you are going thru this, none of us deserve to be hurt like this. I hope you find your way thru all of this chaos. Hugs.

DustedDaisy- thank you for your response it makes me feel a little better knowing that there are so many other wives going through the exact same problems as me . My husband always try's to blame me for the reason he drinks because I'm always nagging him and on his case . The reason I'm on his case is because he has his priorities so messed up . It hurts me to hear my kids asking where's dad? And why isn't dad coming to my soccer practice or why isn't dad home for dinner again? I don't have the answers they want and I hate that I'm always crying in front of them . I've developed anxiety and depression that I have been taking medication for for about a year now . My husband finally came home today at 6:30am and I was obviously angry and seeing nothing but red. I told myself to just stay calm and don't speak to him . Instead I took the wrong path and physically assaulted him . I couldn't just walk away . Seeing him come inside and try to get into bed with me and my five year old daughter while smelling like booze and smoke and acting as if I had no reason to be upset just ticked me off so bad and disgusted me that all I wanted to do was hurt him . My 11 yr old son woke up and was angry as he heard my AH calling me crazy and mental because of my pills. It broke my heart to hear him tell his dad "my moms not crazy! You make her this way!" "Your always lieing to her and drinking all the time !" It hurts me so bad to have my kids exposed to this . I feel so lost I have left him 4 times just in the last 4 months and I always come back thinking things are gonna get better my children need their dad but my question is am I doing them more harm by staying ?

Iamdonetoday- my husband has said everytime that he wants to quit drinking and that he wants nothing more but his family to be together but his actions show otherwise. I have tried to tell myself don't expect that he's gonna come home when he says and don't believe him when he says he's only gonna have one . It never works that way and I still find myself so angry and disgusted with him as if it were a surprise. He tells me he wants to seek help but he hasn't done anything about it. I feel he's just telling me what I want to hear but I know he doesn't want to let go of his drink . I thank you so much for your response it's very supportive and helpful .

Never let him convince you that his addiction is your fault. It. Is. Not. Alcoholism is a selfish disease, and it wants what it wants by any means necessary. I hear you and I am sending love and light to you and your children, because I know how lonely our path is.

Mdantaylor - thank you so much

I agree with you...if you want to know what a person is really thinking or feeling watch what they do not what they say. I decided awhile ago that the fate of this relationship would not be determined by his words but by his actions. Stay strong we aren't crazy...they are sick people. Hugs