I'm so sorry. If he doesn't recognize the harm he has caused, and isn't interested in looking at himself, then I'd say he's not at all in recovery. That doesn't mean that he won't ever get there, but right now, he's not. True recovery looks humble, grateful for another chance, but not expecting one.

You're not alone. Mine isn't anywhere near recovery, and doesn't seem to believe that I could at all be harmed by his drinking. Have you looked into therapy for yourself with someone who specializes in families of addiction? It could help. Sending hugs.

I am sorry for the disappointment t and hurt. This is a horrible disease and it has to be his decision. As sucky as that is.
Deep breaths, be kind to yourself and look into help for you (and your children), and know that you have every right to be pissed as hell.
Prayers for strength and peace. Hugs.

Twice my AH went to AA for his drinking, and neither time did he get a sponsor, nor any professional help. He thought that was enough and that he wasn't drinking the first time. The second time, he would go to a meeting and come home and drink. The third time, he went to an intensive out-patient treatment for 5 weeks and did AA after that for awhile, but still never did the steps or got a sponsor. Nor did he do anything else after all of that, like a therapist. He was sober for 3 years, the last time and just thought the absence of alcohol and all the other stuff, was enough to get better and fix everything that he had done over the years. But he was never fully remorseful for his actions or humble about anything. He was just a dry drunk who replaced on habit with another. But still totally unavailable when he was home, which wasn't very much. Now he has been drinking again for a couple of years and is the same.

I got to the point where I don't rely on or depend on him for anything needed around the house or with the kids. Emotionally, I have separated myself from him, so that I have more energy to focus on taking care of myself and the kids.

You need to start shifting your focus away from your AH and what he is and isn't doing, and onto more important things, that you have control over. I am still struggling with this, but I am way more productive and happy when I totally focus all my energy elsewhere, like daily activities and needs of the boys and I. Since my AH isn't home until the evening time, this gives me all day to make the best of my day, when I am not stuck dwelling on how horrible my life has been. It is a daily struggle, but try to make every day a better day for yourself and your kids in even the smallest way you can, and celebrate every little achievement of doing something good each day.

My new mantra is "make today beautiful". I start with making myself feel beautiful and then imagine that I am spreading beauty where ever I go in my day. Even if it just means that I am spreading the beauty by cleaning up my house a little every day, then I feel like I have done my job. Be the bringer of joy into your house and your life to banish away all the ugliness that we let seep into every area of our lives with our AH. Imagine that you are the protector of beauty and joy and are going to destroy all the bad and ugliness, was it all away, until someday, it will all be gone for good.