change is not possible for those in denial. and so many alcoholics do not think they are one because their view of one is that of a 'fall down drunk'.
i have gone to the library to research the disease. there are different levels of alcoholics. the ones in denial aka high functioning (HF) are the not ever going to fix the problem because they do not see there is a problem.
you are right to avoid him when he drinks - nothing good will come of it for you or your children. are they of an age to understand?
this is their disease but we see the symptoms and feel the sorrow. How long have you been together? no one has a crystal ball but he may turn into a man who needs to drink daily in the future.
this is a safe place to vent and grieve.

Mines a great guy too and I love him so much.
It’s once or twice a week and the rest of the time he’s great.
Drinking to a point changes his personality and it’s so unfair that I have to be with this “other” guy. I didn’t marry the guy he becomes and I don’t want to be with that guy.

Solo2017, I end up playing the role of mother. Ugh. In those moments I tell our friends that he’s my 3rd child. Frankly, it’s embarrassing! My guy gets sloppy when he’s drunk. He doesn’t necessarily change personalities, but he’s not fun to talk to or hang around because he’s just so sloppy. Anyway, all bets are on he gets sloppy tonight as he’s meeting an old friend out. I plan on avoiding and not being a part of the mess. Wish me luck.

Hi Lou.... yep I’m the “ mommy “ too! And my AH has mommy issues ( ugh ). I’m 63 years old, retired at 62 after a mild heart attack, and staying mainly for financial security. My AH exhibits almost every alcoholic/addiction personality imaginable. I NEVER know who will show up! The annoying guy, the rude and disengaged one, sloppy, fall down- pissing in pants dude, or the guy she falls and puts holes in the walls. Oh the stories I can tell .... but that’s another post.
Detachment is HARD, especially when he is in my face every day. So now, I try to make plans every day. Fun things and no guilt allowed for leaving him behind.
It’s sad for him, but his moods, and behaviors make fun and happy things less fun and less happy. His choice.
This long tale is to let you know you’re not alone.
If you’re interested I have tons of resources for support. Just message me

we have my husband "J" and we have "BAD ERWIN",thats the guy that shows up.hes the one whos flicked lit cigarettes at me when he was drunk, because i dealt with a situation with my grown son, ( giving a ride or picking him up), in a way that pissed him off inconvenienced him in some way, i have ran and hid in bushes, i mean i was an addict too for a while,,yeah he didn't handle that long , he instigated the drug use, HOWEVER, when he was done using , we were done, and im glad for it, was the best thing he ever did, but he did it for him, and now, he has switched from drugs BACK to alcohol...irony...believe me, i am so damn grateful tho, for the things i learned through some bad bad decisions..because i really didn't realize, how messed up i was or why.....and im starting to realize he may find himself in the same place, just further beyond reach, and that tells me, i need to exit, not suggesting it as a thing to do, but it really peeled back my perspective. Being an addict and being in recovery , is what may save my life and future,,,,