I have been married to my AH for 11 years. Cannot really recall when it started but I think it has been for most of our marriage. I have attended some Al Anon meetings a few years ago and have just started reading the daily books each evening again. We went through 6 months of counseling between June & Dec of 2012. We were supposed to make a decision after that time frame if we were going to separate. Counseling didn't work because he continues to drink. We both have good jobs an no financial problems. He usually doesn't drink on Monday's and Tuesday's - at least I think he doesn't drink those two days. Sometimes I can't tell if he has been drinking or not. We haven't been intimate in almost a year. I am not sure I even care anymore. I don't feel any physical attraction towards him anymore. We can still have some decent conversations when he is sober but they rarely include our future. He had a physical done and his liver values are high, he has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He just started on high blood pressure meds but they aren't bringing his blood pressure down. He has to work with his doctor and his psychiatrist to figure out the best meds but he is irritated that it will take some time for them to work that matter out. He also suffers from depression which he had been taking medication for prior to our meeting. He was married once before and after the divorce he started on medication and has been on ever since about 19 years now. We don't go out anymore. Once a week we usually go out for breakfast but we generally can't go out to dinner because he will have been drinking by them. The weekends are always the worst. I can suggest going to a movie or museum or anything that we used to when we first started dating but those things don't interest him anymore. In fact, he says we have nothing in common anymore. I think he means we have nothing in common because I refuse to drink with him. He buys his own beer & whiskey and hides it in the garage. I never see him drink. He hides beer and possibly even a flask in his car so he can drink on his way home from work. It just seems so strange to me that he would risk his life and others. The man I initially met would is not who I am living with. He can't wait to get home to drink anymore. He isn't a social drinker (but he does sometimes go out after work with guys from work but very rarely). He mostly drinks alone at home in the garage or at our farm. He has posted tons of pictures of naked women in his workshop in the garage. It makes me uncomfortable to go in there and I have asked him to take them down but he refuses. I am afraid to leave for financial reasons. I know this isn't a healthy way to live. I basically do my own thing. We are just like roommates. How long does that stage last? I feel like we are good friends who live together. I clean and cook and he takes out the garbage and pays the mortgage. I am not sure at this point if he did ever decide to get help that I could get past all the pain that has occurred and would certainly be hard pressed to believe he could stay sober. He is 51 years old. He seems to think it is a mid life crisis. When he drinks he is a much happier person than when he is sober. It is nice that he is happy and I understand why he drinks for that reason. I can't have a conversation with him though that is meaningful and I can't stand the change in his behavior. I am generally a good natured person and I no longer discuss his drinking with him because he says I am judging him. We have talked enough about it in the past that he knows I don't like it. I don't like to give him fuel to fight with me. So we don't fight, we don't talk much, we just live in the same house. I go to movies with friends and family. I go to eat with friends and family. I miss having a husband who is present and caring and giving. I feel isolated in my own home. This is basically a rant but is this just how it goes in an alcoholic relationship. We just sit back and wait for them to make a decision? I do have a place to go if I ever leave. I am getting close to that point. I want to ask for a separation but I am afraid.