Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
i have been second fiddle for almost 10 years - my HFA husband has been increasingly more focused on his aging parents. I value him greatly for sacrificing his time and energies to daily tend to their needs however when do i get some attention? The saying that watch how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he will treat his wife comes to mind but....
i cannot mention this too much to him or his parents as there is a strong co-dependency bond going. I imagine i would be viewed as the gold digger - ha there isn't even fools gold in this mine.
A friend told me that he is being so attentive to them because he feels like a superhero. but how do i get them to acknowledge that we cannot sustain the financial strain. His disease has run us into thousands of dollars of ccd debt. Now on a fixed income things are beyond strained.
Anytime i mention budget or financial attention or cut back on habits it is 'subject closed' mode and he spends whatever he wants whenever he wants without regard for OUR financial future.
any wisdom to share?
we also have a car payment and for the past month the company has been calling almost daily - no messages. AH commented that it must be a scam...i replied no it is probably because i have not been able to pay the full amount for several months. all your income goes to trying to pay something towards your 16% credit card debt. he had no reply - no comment - no argument - nothing. He even refuses to call and ask to lower the rate or get another card with lower interest!
The reward for belonging to this group is the sense of being heard. There are no easy solutions for the ones we love who have this disease but there is support for those who are standing beside them. Just that alone seems to take a weight off the shoulders.