You must talk with him about all this, when he's sober, and see what his response is. Go from there depending on his reaction and how you are feeling. It's a process for both of you and you probably won't figure it out right away. Time will tell. Take good care of yourself...that is very important. Surround yourself with good friends and support.

thanks so much. I am planning to talk to him tomorrow as we are driving about an hour out of town together.

My ah doesn't think he is an alcoholic either. He drinks 5-6 beers a night to 'relax.' He drinks beer for the 'taste.' Then he gets completely obliviated Friday nights and is so hung over Saturday and Sunday, he gives himself a pat on the back for not drinking 2 days in a row. Then because he is so hung over the rest of the weekend, he has just proven to himself he is not an alcoholic because he didn't drink 2 days straight! Instead he DOES NOTHING the entire weekend but watch tv or sleep. But he is not an alcoholic....

One of the things I have read in my search for answers the last two weeks made a lot of sense. Basically, regardless whether they think they are an "alcoholic" or not, if their drinking causes a problem, they have a "'drinking problem". Which, if they are NOT an alcoholic, should be important to them and they should be willing to change. If they ARE an alcoholic, the drink will be more important, and excuses and justifications will be all you get out of them. (That's what I get when AH and I talk about it, excuses and justifications).

Yes, but their drinking isn't the problem. It is US who PERCIEVE their drinking as a problem, thus WE are the problem....

Oh how true this rings to me!! My AH drinks all week and doesn't drink on weekend very often because he is too sick from drinking all week. My AH also has crohn's disease and not to be gross but imagine what my bathroom is like when he is drunk and has a crohn's attack. This is all too much for me...we are leaving to go out of town shopping this afternoon while I have his full attention in the truck while we drive I am going to bring it all up.

Last week I also disengaged with his twin sons...30 years old and love to get Dad drunk and take advantage of him for money mostly...they are drug users. Now they would like to move in!!! I stopped that right away!

Hi....Wow...sounds familiar. My husband is in construction as well. He is almost 50 and his friends on the job like to be enablers and get him drunk, and then he drives. I get furious and even last night asked him what is he thinking? What if he killed someone...his life would be over...He would no longer have anything...and he is being selfish. He doesn't drink everyday but makes up for it and then get wasted, and he goes through stages when he finally gets home. He staggers, becomes loud and obnoxious and scares me because he yells and jumps up and down on the floor. I hide downstairs with my small dog who is scared and shaking. He has even peed in the closet 2 times, couldn't find the bathroom. I wiped up the pee with rags and he threw them in my face, pushed me backwards into his dresser and I fell. His buddies obviously are what matters, for I am not a drinker. At lease we are common law..but I have no friends....one neighbour...but her life is very hard with her husband....He is controlling and very critical of me. Nothing I do is right...in his eyes....I am so stressed and I have started to pack....have nowhere to go.....but I have to get prepared slowly....to do what...I don't know.............He doesn't think he is an alcoholic, because they somehow TRY and justify that because they don't drink everyday, they are not ALCOHOLICS.....Alcohol is more important than me, just like crack was, with my previous ex........Also, how come I hear other men insult us women as being idiots for choosing theses men? Since when am I the alcoholic? Last time I looked, I was the victim in al this...I am the one who is suffering...I would never have got involved with him knowing he drank like this.......He was all charming and sweet at first.....no he is just HATEFUL..He is out now......drove his van and I bet he is out getting dunk.....I have to worry all day until he comes back....probably smashed......

itsaheartache.....yes we have pretty much the same story and there are lots like us out there sadly. Today I had the big talked it went better than I thought it would. I laid it all on the table with him and did tell him if he did not stop drinking I would be leaving. So now I wait to see if he does stop...crossing fingers.